


Brown Penny

by inkling



Category: Early Edition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Domestic Violence, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-02-25
Updated: 2009-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-04 08:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkling/pseuds/inkling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An old friend from Gary's past shows up and it looks like he might finally get the girl--maybe, if her past doesn't get her first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my erstwhile beta readers, for managing to stay focused enough to actually edit in the midst of all this ooey-gooey stuff! Your contributions were essential to the final en-goo-ment of this piece of fan fic.
> 
> This story deals with domestic violence and its fallout, though mostly non-graphic and with an ultimately empowered character. Chapter 9, especially, could be triggering to those who have dealt with this in the past.

_I whispered, "I am too young,"_   
_ And then, "I am old enough";_   
_ Wherefore I threw a penny_   
_ To find out if I might love."_

\--- William Butler Yeats

  


  


For a minute, it looked like the girl came right out of the smoke, like the genie who was supposed to when you rubbed the lamp. Gary shook his head and took a second look, the open tap in front of him momentarily forgotten. No, she hadn't come out of the smoke, just stepped through the door like all the other customers. Tall, with a beret that matched her long dark coat, she stood to one side of the door, scanning the room as if she was there to meet someone.

"I think it's full, Gar." Chuck's voice came from the vicinity of his elbow at about the same time the glass in Gary's hand overflowed. Gary jumped back from the sudden flood of beer suds that flowed over the glass into the drain tray and onto the floor at his feet. Chuck rescued the glass from Gary's grip, wiped it off with a flourish and an apologetic grin, and, commenting "The help you can't get nowadays," handed it to the waiting customer. Casting a look toward the door - the girl was gone - Gary grabbed a towel and began mopping up. It was hard to do, especially when he was trying at the same time to scan the crowd in the smoky room to find out where she had gone.

I hope she didn't leave he thought, giving a last shove at the towel on the floor with his foot, then grabbing it up, he tossed it toward the bin under the bar.

"Okay, who is she?" Gary jumped at Chuck's face right in front of his, then glared at his friend.

"What d'ya mean, 'who is she?'" He shot back, feeling the heat already mounting in his face. Chuck's grin spread.

"Well, that cute blush you got, for one."

Gary grimaced and looked for a rag to finish cleaning off the counter.

Chuck continued, "For two, the fact that I asked you three times while I was over at the cash register what was going on and you never even heard me." Gary turned to face his friend, stepping out of the way of the part-time bartender, there tonight because Crumb was off. Chuck's gaze was gleeful, and he lifted one eyebrow inquiringly. Gary frowned, and --

"Gary? Gary Hobson?"

Gary and Chuck turned at the same time. She was taller than he remembered, but the hair and the sideways smile and the eyes were the same, and the voice with its soft drawl faintly heralding her southern birth.

"Kate! It was you!" Gary smiled and held his hand out across the bar toward her, suds and all. Kate just looked at it and her smile grew bigger. With a chagrined grin, Gary found a rag to dry his hand on, then held it out again. This time she took it, and her laugh was delighted -- at least it sounded so to him.

At a sudden dig in his side, Gary put his other hand on Chuck's shoulder, without letting go of her hand or taking his eyes off Kate's face. "You remember my roommate, Chuck Fishman?"

"Of course I do." She disentangled her hand from Gary's and held it out to Chuck, who was at his oily best.

"Remember? Have we met? Surely I would have remembered such a fair face?"

Kate laughed again, a light trill, and Gary felt his stomach tighten.

"Now, you wouldn't remember any face if it was buried behind a book, now, would you?"

Chuck looked confused. Gary rescued him with a friendly pat on the back, gesturing towards the tall woman on the other side of the bar.

"She lived with Donna and the others, in the house on Watson Street. Remember?" Chuck's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, as he looked sideways first at Gary's hand on his shoulder, then at Gary himself. Gary continued, oblivious. "Kate and I had German from Hauser together." Gary removed his hand from Chuck's back and leaned on the bar with both hands, unable to wipe the wide grin off his face as he met Kate's eyes again.

"Kate's the only reason I got a passing grade in that class."

She grinned back at him. "That's for sure. Marcia was the German scholar, not you," she chuckled, raising her eyebrows at him.

Staring at both the suddenly effusive Gary and the woman across the bar, Chuck made a silent 'oh' with his mouth. As Gary finally spared his friend a glance, he realized he'd been gaping at Kate as if he'd never seen a woman before. But, though she reddened slightly under his gaze, she didn't seem offended. She wouldn't be pretty enough for Chuck, Gary knew that. Long, wavy, dark-honey-brown hair tucked behind her ears, round face, smallish nose, she was a bit plump - by Chuck's exacting standards, anyway. He didn't think there was any way he could explain to Chuck what was it about her that had his heart beating so quickly - tonight and in the past. Chuck was still staring at Kate, then he glanced at his friend, and turning back to Kate took a breath --

"Is this yours?" Breaking her gaze away from Gary at last, Kate's eyes and hand indicated the bar with a sweep. Chuck looked irritated at being cut off -- not that anyone noticed. Gary grinned, and glanced around proudly.

"Yeah. Just got it this year. Um, Chuck, here, he's, he's my partner..."

Chuck smiled and took another breath, but he was cut off again by Kate.

"A wee bit removed from commodities." She pursed her lips thoughtfully as she took another look around. "Do you like it?" Her head tilted to one side, and she smiled, a slow, one-sided grin. Her eyes, Gary couldn't believe he'd forgotten her eyes. The color was sea-green or sea-blue, or - something. Barely visible in the dimness of the bar, they still managed to look electric somehow. And that smile... Chuck gave Gary a shove toward the end of the bar. When Gary turned on him in irritation for the interuption, Chuck lifted his eyebrows in an insinuating expression Gary could read all too clearly, before Chuck even opened his mouth.

"Why don't you buy the lady a drink, Gar? Talk over old times. Hey, maybe even talk in German or something." Gary resisted for a moment, then began to give in, before he saw the apologetic look on Kate's face across the bar. Shaking free of Chuck, he felt his stomach sink as she shrugged.

"I can't, not now anyway. I'm meeting some people from work." She looked away, then back at Gary. He could have sworn her eyes flicked toward his left hand where it rested on the bar, ringless, before coming to rest on his face. "But I'd love to, another time. Tomorrow night, maybe?"

Gary nodded, his eyes still on Kate's. "Yeah, sure." As Chuck's elbow made contact with his ribs he spared another irritated glance toward his friend, then turned back to Kate. She looked disappointed at his less than enthusiastic answer. Quickly he stepped back up to the bar and reached across to take her hand again. "Yeah, that would be great. You want me to pick you up?"

Kate's smile was dazzling again. "No, I live right near here, and I have a late class tomorrow night. How about I just show up about eight or so?"

Gary nodded, letting go of her hand. "Sure."

Someone called her name, and she turned to wave once at a group sitting at several tables pulled together near the pool tables back of the bar. Stepping away, she looked back at Gary.

"Don't panic if I'm a bit late. Sometimes it takes me a while to get out after class."

"I won't." Gary shook his head as she turned away, and continued to watch as she moved over to take a seat where the group was making room for her. He nodded when she looked over at him one last time, then she was sitting down and her friends' voices and laughter engulfed her.

Gary turned to see Chuck's most irritating grin directed straight at him.

"What?"

Chuck just looked even more infuriatingly like the cat that found the cream after it swallowed the canary.

"Nothing." He shook his head and moved away as one of the busboys came rushing out of the kitchen toward them. "Nothing at all." Chuck bent his head as the busboy began talking urgently to him and they both strode back through the swinging doors into the kitchen.

Gary wasted a disgusted glare in Chuck's general direction, then turned toward the next customer at the bar.

He didn't see her leave. Called into the kitchen for a moment to settle some crisis or other, when Gary returned to the front room a few minutes later her table was empty, and she and her friends were gone.

Well, what do you expect? She's just your ex-wife's old college buddy. You expect her to be waiting for you, draped over the bar or something at closing time?. Gary tried to drive that disconcerting picture away, concentrating so hard on the closing tasks of the bar that he didn't hear the busboy the first two times he spoke to him. It was the white napkin waving in front of his face that finally got his attention.

"That lady, the one you and Mr. Fishman were talking to? She asked me to give this to you." Dazed, Gary nodded his thanks and the busboy, his evening done, headed out the door.

The napkin was folded in half, and Gary's stomach tightened for a moment. He didn't know why he was so nervous, but he found himself almost reluctant to read it.

"So? You gonna stare at it all night? Or do you want me to read it for you?" Gary frowned at Chuck, ignoring the jibe. Turning his back on Chuck, he walked to the other end of the bar. Taking a deep breath, steeling himself - for what he wasn't quite sure - he opened the napkin.

_For auld lang syne. -- Kate._ Followed by the address of an apartment building just a few streets away, and then a phone number.

"Hey! You made quite an impression." Chuck's voice drawled over Gary's shoulder.

"Do you mind?" Gary jerked the napkin away and headed toward the office and the stairs. He stopped at the door to glare and point an accusing finger at Chuck's grin.

"Just for that, you can finish closing by yourself!"

His indignant exit was somewhat spoiled by Chuck's voice floating after him:

"Sweet dreams, Gar!"

"So, who is she?" Marissa sipped the coffee in her cup and smiled benignly as Gary peered incredulously from behind the newspaper, before frowning in disgust. His chair came back down on all 4 legs as he set his coffee cup down. He put one elbow on the table and leaned toward Marissa.

"Well, whatever Chuck told you, it's not true."

Marissa smiled again.

"He just said some old college friend turned up last night and you were acting like a 12-year-old with his first crush."

"Oh he did, did he?" With a disgusted snort, Gary sat back, took a drink of his own coffee then set it down as he continued to peruse the paper. Marissa smiled as she took another sip from her cup, and, after a couple of minutes, said, "You still haven't answered my question."

"Huh?" Gary flicked one edge of the paper down to consider Marissa. "Do you look that innocent naturally or did you have to practice?"

Marissa just smiled at her coffee again, and Gary gave up. Folding the paper, he put it down on the table and took up his fork. The scrambled eggs were cold, and he picked at them for a minute or two before answering.

"Her name's Kate, Kate MacAdam. She was Marcia's friend in college. They and some other girls all rented a big house together before Marcia and I got married."

Marissa waited patiently while Gary took a bite and chewed absentmindedly. After a few seconds, he swallowed and continued.

"We had a couple of classes together, and we really hit it off. But, Marcia and I were, well, we were together by then." Gary hesitated again, and then, in a rush, "I sometimes used to wonder - in the back of my mind, you know - I kind of wondered what would have happened if I had met Kate first, before Marcia." He shrugged then, and looked down at his plate.

Marissa's eyebrows rose. She reached out to touch his hand. Gary's head shot up at her touch.

"Especially in light of what happened between you and Marcia?" Her voice was gentle.

Gary fervently hoped there would come a day when just the mention of his too-recent divorce didn't cause a stabbing pain in his gut. Today, even though he knew Marissa couldn't see his pain, couldn't see the haunted eyes that his mirror still reflected back at him some mornings, he looked away before he answered.

"Yeah, I guess so." He looked back at Marissa. "Kate got married too, though, to some football player, Trevor something-or-other. Last I heard, they were living in Minnesota somewhere."

Marissa let go of his hand, and picked up her coffee again.

"And then she shows up last night, in your bar, alone. Did you notice if she had a ring on?"

Gary looked away from his friend, flustered.

"Yeah."

Marissa was good at waiting tolerantly for answers Gary wasn't sure he wanted to give. He sighed and shoveled cold eggs into his mouth, barely chewing before he swallowed.

"She didn't."

Marissa nodded knowingly, and put her cup down.

"So now you have to decide if you want to find out if what might have been could still be."

"Yeah. I guess that's it." Gary looked morosely at the remains of his breakfast as Marissa finished her coffee.

"Anything in the paper this morning?" Her tone was bright, and Gary looked at her, recognizing a change of the subject.

"No, not really." He sounded forlorn, and Marissa reached for his hand once more, her face concerned.

"Gar... you'll never know if you don't try."

"Yeah, well I've been dumped on once, I don't really care to set myself up again."

"She's not Marcia, Gary. And you'll --"

"--never know unless I try." Gary finished for her. He nodded, remembering the napkin, with Kate's address and phone number, tucked away this morning in his wallet. "I know, I know." He grabbed the paper as he stood up.

"Gotta go. I'll see you later."

Marissa nodded as he left, and her face was more thoughtful than usual.

It was a relatively quiet night, as far as they went in McGinty's Bar and Grill, and Gary had more time to consider his approaching date than he really wanted.

You haven't seen her in what, 7 years? he counseled himself in between restocking the bar and filling napkin holders. She probably just wants to get together to talk over old times, like she said in her note. Don't get your hopes up. With a disgusted snort, he realized he wasn't even sure what he was hoping for. Chuck's voice interrupted his reverie.

"Eight o'clock, Gar. She should be here soon." Gary looked up from where he knelt behind the bar to find Chuck leering at him over the counter. At Gary's glare, Chuck tried to look innocent.

"Any you seen the busboy? I got empty tables stacking up out here." Chuck leaned over and looked around behind the bar as if he expected to see the busboy hiding behind it.

Gary shook his head in disgust. "No. And I hear any cracks outta you about 12-year-olds--"

"Marissa told you that? I never said that, Gar, honest." Gary just looked at his friend. "Well, maybe something along those lines, but it was just so cute to see you looking so flustered and embarrassed." Chuck dropped his voice conspiratorially. "I gotta hand it to ya, Gar, that shy routine worked, it really worked. Man, I never did so little to get a date. Think you could teach me?" His eyebrows rose and he looked expectantly at Gary.

"You just don't know when to quit, do you?" With a glare, Gary grabbed the empty box and stalked back into the kitchen.

Crumb, wiping an imaginary spill off the bar, came over, indicating the door swinging behind Gary's retreat with a nod of his head.

"What's with Hobson tonight? He's in a rare mood."

Chuck opened his mouth to answer but before he could, Marissa called warningly from where she stood at the end of the bar.

"Chuck."

Both men turned to stare at her.

"I think you'd better back off this time. Okay?" Chuck stared at her in disbelief as she turned and made her way into the kitchen after Gary. Then he turned to Crumb, who lifted his eyebrows and cocked his head to one side as he looked at Chuck.

"You know, Fishman, in my experience, the lady is usually right. Especially that lady." He flapped his rag in the general direction Marissa had disappeared, and then turned away and resumed wiping down the bar.

Chuck tried his best to look innocent and offended at the same time, and, failing that, headed towards the kitchen himself to see what had happened to the busboy.

Forty-five minutes later, Marissa found Gary in the midst of a full-blown inventory of the beer cooler.

"Gary? Kate just called."

He shifted the last case of Bud onto the stack, and wiped the sweat off his forehead with one sleeve. Inventory had been done just a couple of days ago, but Gary was trying unsuccessfully to ignore both the slowly passing time and the fact that Kate had not shown up. Tossing a "Yeah?" in Marissa's general direction, he picked up his clipboard and made a couple of notes on it. Marissa waited until he put it down and gave her his full attention. Gary wiped more sweat off his nose, and waited, trying to ignore the tightening in his stomach and steeling himself for the worst.

She changed her mind. Doesn't want to date a has-been like me. Can't be too surprised she doesn't want her friend's leftovers...

He tuned in as Marissa continued, "...running way late and wanted to know if you could just meet her at her apartment in 15 minutes. Said you have the address already." Marissa waited while Gary digested that information. He knew she didn't have to be able to see to feel his mood lighten.

"Yeah, okay, I'm pretty much done here anyway." Gary surveyed the cooler one last time, and then followed Marissa out. He hung the clipboard on its nail by the door, and headed toward the office and his apartment. It would only take a minute to grab a shower and change --

"Gary?" He turned toward Marissa. She smiled and lifted an imaginary toast in his general direction. "Here's to what could be."

Gary smiled.

"Thanks, Marissa." She shook her head and smiled as he went up the stairs, two at a time, for all the world like a 12-year-old boy in a hurry.


	2. Chapter 2

_"... he would be thinking of love_

_Till the stars had run away_

_And the shadows eaten the moon."_

_ \---William Butler Yeats_

 

_   
_

The restaurant had emptied but for Gary and Kate and a somewhat rowdy group celebrating something on the other side of the room. The waitresses were preoccupied with the group's many demands, and Gary fully appreciated the extra measure of privacy he and Kate enjoyed as a result. The Chinese food had been good, and Gary, despite his initial nervousness, had found he and Kate slipped back easily into the bantering relationship they had enjoyed in college. Now they lingered over their drinks, empty plates pushed to one side.

Gary studied Kate's face as she took a drink of her water, watching the ice as she swirled it in her glass. Dressed in jeans and a purple turtleneck sweater that set off her eyes, she hadn't changed much at all in seven years. Kate was no great beauty, on the outside anyway, and if Gary was honest with himself he had to admit that was one reason at the time he hadn't preferred her over Marcia. Still, she was pretty, and the warmth in her eyes and her smile more than made up for whatever she may have lacked in the Hollywood-style looks department. Feminine, Gary thought suddenly; feminine and soft and curved like a woman, not a bone factory. He pushed away the thought of what those soft curves would feel like under his hand and shook his head as Kate looked up at him again and smiled.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Her voice was quiet, bemused.

"I- I was just thinking you haven't changed much these last few years."

She paused, considering his face before she answered.

"You haven't either." She looked out the window briefly, then back at him. "Funny, you'd think it would show more, the things we go through in life. But maybe that's not until your body gets to be as old as your heart.." She took a drink of water, and then looked at him, her eyes soft. Gary's heart leaped.

"I was sorry to hear about you and Marcia." Gary was startled, and she answered before he could ask. "I ran into her at Donna's last Christmas. I'm sorry," she repeated.

Gary shrugged, and looked out the window at the cars passing by for a moment. "These things happen." He looked back at Kate. Her smile was bitter.

"Yeah, well you-know-what happens too, and they both stink, every time."

Gary laughed briefly.

"So what about you and Trevor?"

This time he wasn't sure what the expression was that flitted across her face before she looked down at the water glass in her hand. She stared at it for a moment, and when she finally faced him again, Gary was surprised at her bleak mien.

"It was a mistake. One of my worst. Or best, however you want to look at it.." She shrugged and took another drink, staring out the window much as he had earlier. "Why do they let us get married when we're young and stupid and don't know anything about life?" There was a lifetime of pain and weariness in her voice and the gaze she turned on him.

Gary frowned, concerned, and without thinking he reached across the table, brushing Kate's hand lightly with the tips of his fingers.

"Hey, I didn't mean-"

"No, I know you didn't." She took his hand, and squeezed it reassuringly. For the few seconds Kate held his hand Gary would have been hard put to say where he was at all. But, he knew who he was with, and he knew he liked the feel of her hand in his. The world came to life around him again as Kate released his hand. Gary resisted the sudden urge to grab her hand before she pulled it all the way away. The people at the other table were yelling for more fortune cookies, and Kate cast an amused glance their direction before taking a deep breath and facing Gary again.

"It happened, and, just like you and Marcia, it stank, stank to high heaven." She smiled then, and Gary smiled back. She considered his face carefully for a moment.

"You look happy now, though."

Gary shrugged, taking his water glass and carefully positioning it in front of him before responding to Kate's observation.

"Relatively happy, yeah"

Kate laughed.

"I told Marcia you'd never be content in a suit working a nine to five job. And especially not working with money and numbers. You're not that cold." Gary stared at Kate in consternation. She wasn't looking at him as she continued.

"I must admit, though, I was surprised to find you running that bar. Somehow I figured you'd wind up as a doctor or a policeman or something, Gar, not a businessman. You always struck me as the type who needed to be out saving the world from itself." She turned a quizzical eye toward him. Gary tried to look more like a man and less like a stranded fish.

"W-w-w-what do you mean?" he managed to ask.

"About you saving the world?" Now it was Kate's turn to worry. "Gar? I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"No, no, it's all right." Gary waved her concern aside. "It's just, I never, well..." He stopped, took a deep breath, then looked straight at Kate. "I've never had anyone say it to me quite like that, before."

Kate's eyes grew wide in sudden comprehension and she giggled. Gary stared at her - openmouthed, again - in total surprise.

"You've got something else going on, don't you? Something that has a whole lot more to with saving the world than running that bar of yours. And you didn't want anyone to know, and thought you were doing a good job keeping it from all but those who are closest to you, right?"

Gary managed a flustered nod.

"Oh, Gary, if someone didn't know you, they might take you for only what they saw at the bar. But, for those who know you, who look to see, it's obvious. I tried to tell Marcia you were both making a mistake when she told me you were gonna take up stockbroking to put her through law school. I knew you wouldn't be happy, and you'd throw over the traces sooner or later."

Gary frowned. Kate almost seemed to be implying he'd left Marcia.

"But, she kicked me out," he protested.

Kate nodded, all humor gone from her face.

"Yes, but only because she realized you were never gonna come down to what she wanted from life: money and prestige. You've always known there was more to life than that." Gary stared at Kate. She looked up, and, caught the expression on his face.

"Gary, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, or to put Marcia down --"

Gary cut her off.

"No, no, it's all right. It's just- I've just always assumed all this time that it was what was wrong with me, that that was why our marriage didn't work out." Gary shifted in his seat, distinctly uncomfortable with the tack the conversation had taken. He had trouble meeting Kate's gaze. "It-it-it never occurred to me to think that it as what was right about me, that, that Marcia was wrong..." Shrugging, he gave up trying to articulate his sudden conflicting emotions. "It never occurred to me at all."

Kate reached across the table and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly until he looked into her eyes.

"And that's exactly what I'm talking about - you saving the world. You took the blame, to protect her from herself. You could carry it, could deal with it. She couldn't, so she blamed you for everything - and because you loved her, you let her. Your only mistake was believing her, when she said it was all your fault."

Kate's intensity got through to him. Without thinking, he asked, "Is that how it happened with you and Trevor?"

Her face shut down. That was the only way Gary could describe it. It was like watching all the lights go out in a city and then the stars went too. Kate shivered, looking lost and alone, like a little child in a body too big for her all of a sudden. Stunned at her reaction, Gary reached for her hand again, this time gathering it all the way in his own. Her eyes were closed.

"Kate, I'm sorry, I --"

Opening her eyes, she shook her head, forestalling his apology.

"No, it's all right. Like I said, it stank, and sometimes it still stinks." She held his hand briefly between hers, then let go. Taking a deep breath, she explained, "I gave so much, tried so hard to make that relationship work, put up with so much, and still..." Gary watched and waited silently for her to continue. "It's been 4 years since the divorce was final and it's only in the last year that I've felt whole again." She wouldn't look at him, and Gary signaled for the check to give her the privacy she needed to regain her composure.

Man, that must have been one ugly divorce Gary thought, as he took his wallet out of his pocket and started counting out cash to the waiter. His and Marcia's divorce had actually been fairly amicable - if you didn't count the fact he hadn't wanted it at all.

"Hey, I was going to get this!"

Gary looked at her. The lights were all back on, and whatever monster had crawled out of her memory was contained once more. She smiled at him, and he grinned in return.

"Hey, no self-respecting knight in shining armor would let a woman buy him dinner." Her delighted laugh was a relief to hear.

Later that night, lying in bed with one arm tucked behind his head, Gary replayed the events of the evening over in his mind. They had walked home in the cool weather, chit chatting about different things. Gary told her some of his more humorous adventures with the paper - sans anything about the paper itself of course - sending Kate into constant fits of giggles. Then she talked a little about her job as an associate professor of languages at Chicago University. When they reached the door of her apartment, Kate unlocked it, and then, without opening it, turned to him. She stood there, the hall lights glinting softly in her hair, looking up at him - though not too far, for she was only a few inches shorter than his 6 feet 1 inches - and smiled her crooked smile. Gary's heart leaped, and his throat was suddenly dry. He swallowed convulsively, thinking wryly that Chuck's description of a 12-year-old with his first crush hadn't been that far off.

"Thank you, Gary. I haven't had such a wonderful evening in a long time." His heart pounding, Gary had reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair from her cheek.

"Yeah, well, I haven't either." He smiled back at her, and their eyes locked. Gary held his breath, almost afraid of the possibilities that suddenly seemed thick in the air around them. Then, tentatively, hesitantly, Gary leaned forward to kiss her. She returned the kiss, her lips soft beneath his, then they both blushed and pulled away from each other. Unwilling to let the moment go completely, he reached out and took her hand.

"Hey, I've got tickets for a Bulls' game tomorrow night. Want to go?" He grinned his best boyish grin at her, forgetting that he had already half promised Chuck the other ticket.

Kate slanted her head to one side for one moment, and smiled thoughtfully as she looked at Gary.

"Sure."

Gary laughed then, and bending down gave her cheek a gentle brush with his lips. Kate smiled, then pulled her hand from his and turned her doorknob. Pausing just before she went in, she looked back at him and smiled.

"Till tomorrow, then?"

Gary nodded. "Till tomorrow."

And the door had closed on the promise of her bright smile.

"Looks like what might have been still might be," he said out loud to the cat, grinning in spite of himself. Then, eyes narrowed, he glared briefly at the cat. "Just don't you go finding some way to mess it all up, hear me?" The cat ignored him, continuing its evening toilet. Gary grinned again. He couldn't deny it. Kate seemed to be just as attracted to him as he was to her. He rolled over and plumped the pillow under his head. "It's worth a try, anyway. Worth a try." Finished, the cat mreeowed at him, and they fell asleep in companionable silence.

* * * * *

The next few weeks seemed to pass in a blur for Gary. Though his days were just as full with the paper as they had always been, he found himself resenting the paper less than he had in a long time, because somewhere in each day there would be Kate. After all, the paper had brought him the bar. That was where Kate had come to him, and both gave him - sometimes - more flexibility to find time to spend with her than a regular job ever would have.

The cat even seemed to approve of Kate - at least judging by how much attention the enigmatic feline paid to her whenever she showed up. Chuck was even starting to grouse about being second banana to Kate with the cat. Lately the cat seemed to have adopted her lap as its own private throne - going so far as to hiss at Gary the last time he put his arm around Kate as she sat on his couch. Gary hadn't even bothered to pause the movie they were watching for as long as it took him to throw the darn animal out.

Kate was easy to be with, and Gary found he wanted to be with her a lot. She seemed to accept him and the erratic life the paper had given him without question. She'd never hassled him about any of the side trips they made on their dates, or the times he disappeared for hours on end. The few dates he'd had to break with her because of the paper hadn't even seemed to bother her. Each time Kate had either been at McGinty's waiting for him, or there was an undemanding message on his phone machine when he got home. At first, Gary wasn't sure if her easy going attitude was just because their relationship was so new, or if that was just the way she was. He hoped it was the latter, and as time passed that hope seemed to be born out.

Some evenings Kate came to the bar and just hung out, lending a hand wherever they needed it. Gary spent several afternoons helping Kate paint her apartment, and several more helping her move things around her office at the University. They went to a couple of Bulls' games, one of Gary's regular customers being a season ticket holder who couldn't always make the games. Chuck hadn't spoken to Gary for two days after Gary took Kate to the game against the Jazz instead of him. Later, seeing how happy his friend was with Kate, he relented - though he put considerable time and effort after that into intercepting the Bulls tickets before Gary got them. When people asked Gary about "dating" Kate, he would just shrug and grin. They weren't dating; their lives had just somehow fallen into sync with each other.

One thing still lay between them. Gary hadn't yet told Kate about the paper, but he knew he was going to have to, very soon.


	3. Chapter 3

 

_"O love is the crooked thing,_

_There is nobody wise enough_

_To find out all that is in it..."_

_ \---William Butler Yeats_

 

 

Kate liked to walk. Unless she was loaded down with books or her students' papers or something, she rarely drove. So, tonight, as they did on most of their outings, she and Gary had walked to the theater from her apartment. On their way home, crossing the Dearborn Street Bridge, Kate stopped to lean on the metal railing, gazing out over the water. Gary joined her, their elbows touching slightly as he leaned on the bridge next to her.

The silence between them was comfortable, familiar. For a few moments they just watched the river and the small, misshapen reflections from the lights of nearby buildings and passing vehicles wavering delicately on its surface. The night air was cool, spring having not yet given way fully to summer. The two thin bracelets Kate wore around one wrist jangled faintly as she rubbed her bare arms. Gary caught a faint whiff of scent as she moved, almost like vanilla.

"I've always loved the lights on the water like that." Gary looked up as Kate spoke, but she wasn't looking at him. "When I was a child, I thought they were jewels, and I cried because my daddy wouldn't get them for me." Shrugging deprecatingly, her eyes flicked to his attentive face for a moment, before returning to the watery vista in front of them. "As I got older, I began to cherish the fact that no matter where I was, what part of the world I was in, what river I was looking at, the lights and the sound of the water were always the same. Even though sometimes it seemed like so much of my life was like those lights. Beautiful to look at, but..." She paused, her gaze pensive. Her voice was soft as she continued, as if she wasn't really talking to him. "But nothing that we love overmuch is ponderable to our touch."

His brow furrowed with confusion as he watched Kate gaze somberly into the river, Gary took a deep breath, preparing to ask just where that particular train of thought had come from. Kate looked at him, and the darkness in her eyes was banished in the light that broke across her face as she smiled at him.

"Oh, Gary, I'm sorry." Shaking her head she laughed softly. "My melancholy Irish genes are acting up. It's a line from a poem by Yeats." She stared out over the water again for a moment before reciting, "I grew wild, even accusing heaven because it had set down among its laws: nothing that we love overmuch is ponderable to our touch."

She sounded... wistful? Bitter? Hurt? Maybe all three; Gary couldn't tell, and he wasn't sure what to say. He took another breath, shifted his feet on the bridge, looked at the river himself for a minute, then looked up to find Kate watching him, her gaze somber. His eyes searched hers - or were hers searching his? Gary couldn't be sure. He just knew his heart was thudding and his stomach was twisting and maybe he shouldn't have that second serving from the dessert bar tonight.

Kate broke the spell, turning back to the river without speaking. Gary moved so he faced her, leaning on one elbow against the railing - observing her this time, and not the river. She wore a simple but fashionable dress of some dark turquoise material that shimmered in the vague light. It set off the color of her eyes dramatically, and the neckline left her shoulders mostly bare. Gary forced himself to look away from the decolletage peeking out of the lowest point, pushing away his abrupt desire to reach up and trace the cleavage.

He didn't try not to trace the lines of her dress with his eyes, losing himself for a moment in the way it fit tight to her body, emphasizing the full curves there before it swooped out over her hips in a flared skirt that draped gracefully down her long legs almost to her ankles. Her long hair was swept back and up, a couple of glittering objects decorating the resulting bundle above the nape of her neck. Swallowing, Gary wondered what would happen if he pulled one out. Probably the entire arrangement would come cascading down. Long delicate earrings captured what light was available and sent it dancing in tiny twinkles on her slim neck. He found himself envying their freedom, his fingers longing to join them in their play across her fair skin.

Not sure what to do with the thoughts and visions suddenly crowding his mind, most of them involving removing the dress he was admiring, Gary looked out over the river again, loosening his tie as he did so and hoping that the rising color in his face wasn't noticeable in the half dark they stood in.

Kate stirred beside him and, as he glanced back, she turned to face him, shivering slightly. This time Gary could see goose bumps on her arms. Quickly he moved the paper from the inside pocket of his coat to the back pocket of his pants. Kate smiled as his jacket went around her and she pulled it close. But the smile didn't light up her eyes like it should have. Gary frowned. What was bothering her tonight? Before he could say anything, she spoke, turning her head away, not meeting his gaze.

"There's another poem by Yeats. It says: I have not lost desire, but the heart that I had; I thought 'twould burn my body laid on the deathbed, for who could have foretold that the heart grows old." She whispered the last words, and Gary felt the sorrow in them pierce his own heart. Kate didn't look up, didn't face him, just spoke again before he could think of anything to say.

"Does your heart ever feel old? Do you never wonder what happened between you and Marcia, Gary? Where and why it went so wrong, and how come you were the last one to know it?" The pain in Kate's aqua eyes as she finally met his gaze cut him to the quick. Fingers of one hand nervously drumming on the bridge railing, Gary looked away now, his own bitterness over the last year and half since Marcia threw him out rising all too willingly to the surface of his thoughts. Yeah, he wondered. He still hadn't come to grips with what happened between he and Marcia, in spite of Kate's comments on their first date.

A picture rose unbidden in his mind: his ex-wife, impeccably dressed in one of her lawyer suit-dresses, standing in the lobby at the Blackstone Hotel. She had come to give him the Lost Chicago book, less than a month after she had first thrown him out. She had tried to lighten the mood of their meeting, teasing that the book must be from some old girlfriend. But they both knew there had only been one old girlfriend before her. Gary had finally given up trying to think of anything to say, and just stared at her. Some of what was in his heart must have come out that way, because she had been increasingly uncomfortable, and finally left, unable to meet his eyes as she turned away.

The warmth of Kate's hand on his cheek startled him from his dark reverie, and he found his mouth suddenly dry as his eyes met hers, almost black in the dim light.

"I'm sorry, Gary. I didn't mean to remind you, I, I..." Her voice trailed off, and, her hand dropping slowly, she swung away from him, back to the river. His cheek suddenly cold where her hand had been, Gary surprised himself by catching her hand before she could pull it way completely.

"You didn't," he said, willing her to accept his words as she looked back over her shoulder at him. "It, it, it's just, it wasn't that long ago." His heart was at it again, pounding as she smiled slowly, sadly, then pulled her hand free as she snuggled deeper into his coat, staring out over the river. Gary took a step toward her, hesitantly reaching for her shoulder. He didn't know why, she just looked like she needed to be touched. Kate started when his hand made contact, then reached up to touch it before he could pull it away. Head down, she spoke without turning around.

"Trevor had an affair. Several of them, if I can believe what he told me. I was the last one to know, the last one to find out. The woman he left me for was a partner at his law firm. Everybody knew but me. He laughed at me when I confronted him about it, when I finally found out. Laughed and said that fidelity was never part of the deal that we made."

Gary stared at her, his throat working to get the words past his shock, past the naked pain her words had bared in her soul.

"D-d-deal? What deal?"

Her laugh was bitter.

"That's what I asked. He said marriage was a deal like any other, and he treated it as such. He only did what he had to to get ahead in the world, and if that meant sleeping with someone besides me, he'd do it. I told him I never saw it that way, and he said it was my loss. I, I got mad, I was furious with him, just standing there laughing at me, for humiliating me, and I picked up a coffee cup and threw it at him."

Gary didn't say anything, waiting for her to continue, not sure what to say. Marcia had her moments, but at least she had been faithful to him. At least, he thought she had. She had gotten engaged to Pritchard awfully quickly after their divorce, though. His free hand clenched at his side, Gary shook his head and forced himself to relax. He really did not want to think about the fact Marcia might not have been faithful.

When Kate spoke again, Gary had to strain to hear her, in spite of how close they stood.

"I never meant to hurt him, never meant... I, I, I just wanted him to stop laughing at me." Shifting uneasily, Gary wondered if his hand was really burning on her shoulder the way he felt like it was. Kate didn't seem to notice, continuing in that same, low tone. "I, I, I never said anything to anyone about that night, I never wanted..." It sounded like she was having trouble getting the words out. She gulped, and tried again. "I missed. I was never a very good shot, not at anything. It just broke all over the floor behind him. He, he got so mad... He just blew up. I mean, he'd come at me before, but not like..."

Shuddering, she jerked away from his hand and took several steps away from Gary. He followed her a second later, frowning, not liking the implications in her words. He reached out to take her elbow and turn her around to face him, to talk to him. As he grasped her arm from behind, she cried out and pulled away from him... No, she *cringed* away from him, Gary realized, as if she was afra... Gary's heart dropped along with his hand as the sickening realization suddenly hit him. My God, had Trevor...?

"Kate?" His voice was gentle. Shivering, she didn't answer, didn't face him. Hesitantly, he put his hand up and rested it lightly on her shoulder. She jumped, but she didn't pull away this time, letting him draw her around to face him. Her eyes were closed and tears were streaming down her face. Gary gathered her in his arms and held her close as she sobbed. Moments later, her crying eased, she shifted her head slightly so she could talk, but she didn't step away from his embrace.

"I thought he was going to kill me-" her voice broke and she trembled. Arms still around her, Gary felt his anger rising along with the desire to ease her pain anyway he could. Much as this was distressing her, he had to know for sure. Holding her shoulders, he pushed her back from him just enough so he could see her face.

"Kate, what are you talking about? What did Trevor do to you?"

She wouldn't look at him. Gulping, she finally offered, in a very small voice, "He hit me."

Gary's first thought was exactly how he'd spend a few minutes alone with Trevor Howard. He'd show him just what he thought about a man who would hit a woman, any woman, let alone the one shivering in his arms. Kate's voice interrupted his planning.

"I guess I finally blacked out, because when I woke up, he was gone. The only time I saw him after that was at the lawyer's office." She pushed away from Gary, distancing herself from him in every way as she turned to face the river again. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I never told anyone before."

"Why? Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you call the police?"

She gave a tiny shrug.

"It was part... part of our lives. Every once in a while, he'd get ticked and deck me, and then he'd feel really bad and be really sweet, really wonderful for a while. I'd have the man I married back. But then, things would get sour again, and, and... I don't know. I guess I just kept hoping that one of these times he'd stay sweet. Stay wonderful." Kate hung her head, grasping his coat and pulling it around her - as if to shield herself from him, Gary realized, stepping up close to her again. She kept talking, not facing him.

"When you live with someone like that, live in fear everyday of what they'll do to you if say something or do something wrong, after a while you don't think straight any more. You start thinking it is your fault, and you believe them when they say it is, and even if you can't believe it, you don't deserve anything better because you're stupid enough to put up with it in the first place." She glanced at him with a stony smile. "_'Infinite are the arguments of mages_.' And the excuses you can come up with in a situation like I found myself trapped in. My family is all overseas, I knew almost no one outside of our social circle, had no friends of my own, really. There was nowhere I could go, no one to turn to for help."

Gary found himself wishing she had come to him.

She shook her head, her earrings tossing and twinkling.

"It was the infidelity that finally brought it all home to me. That and that last night."

"You, you, you said you blacked out? How bad did he hurt you?" Gary's hands were clenched again, and this time he didn't bother trying to relax.

"I don't know. Like I said, I never called anybody. The next few days are pretty fuzzy, though. I just stayed home in bed. He didn't come back and I didn't open the door until my bags were packed and I was leaving. It was almost a week later, after, after..."

Completely flustered, Gary stared about him, mentally groping for something to say, something to do, while Kate just stared out over the river in silence. He'd wondered about her divorce, but never had he imagined anything like this. She turned to look at him finally.

"I, I guess I just wanted you to know. This is where I've been. It's the past, and I'm beyond it, but sometimes, sometimes I remember it, whether I want to or not." She was having trouble meeting his eyes. "You're special, Gary. You always have been. We were all jealous of Marcia when you two started going out." That shocked him. Why? Marcia had chased him, and he had never really understood what she saw in him. Especially, he realized abruptly, after she spent so much of their marriage trying to make him into whatever or whomever she thought it was she wanted. He never had quite figured out what it was that he was supposed to be for her.

Kate was still talking. "The last few months with you have been the happiest I can remember. Better than with Trevor. I've..." Blushing, she looked away, then back up at him.

As their eyes met, he was shocked at the emotion he saw there. Pain, yes, he could still see the hurt that Trevor had caused her, and he was torn between wanting to comfort Kate, and wanting time alone with that husband of hers, but there was more in her eyes than that. Much more. Without speaking, Gary held out his hand, and she took it, not resisting as he pulled her close, put his arms around her and kissed her. Not the gentle, shy kisses they'd exchanged previously, but a kiss infused with all the passion and emotion she had stirred in him these last few months. Kate literally melted against him, and Gary was shocked at the surrender he could feel in her. Surrender to him, to...

They both pulled away, their eyes searching one another's. Kate hesitated, then...

"Gary... I, I don't... Much as I, much as... I can't do this if it just means tonight."

Gary knew he couldn't either. Knew suddenly he wanted not just tonight and all the nights to come with Kate, but the days, the hours, the moments, all the secret intimacies that a marriage brings, intimacy beyond the mere physical act of marriage. He swallowed, as Kate waited to hear his response.

"It, it, it means more. A whole lot more." He couldn't say the rest, not yet. She had to know about the paper first. "And, and, there's a couple of things you need to know about me, too."

The slight rustle of the newspaper in Kate's hands was barely audible above the soft music playing in the background of her apartment. They had walked here in silent agreement; Gary not even wanting to think about trying to get in the front door of McGinty's without someone - probably Chuck - noticing them. She turned on a single lamp by the overstuffed couch when they came in, and he'd loaded a few cd's in the player while she poured wine in the kitchen - wine that sat untouched on the coffee table in front of them. Then, kicking off her shoes, Kate had settled down on the couch where he joined her. It took him a few minutes to wind up, to get started, but once he had gotten going, it had all come out - everything about the paper and the cat it came with and what they had done to his life.

Now she sat, staring at the headline which read MIDDLE EAST PEACE IN DANGER AGAIN. One arm up on the back of the couch, Gary shifted uneasily next to her. Kate hadn't said anything as he talked, awkwardly in spite of his best efforts; there really wasn't any way to say it other than straight out: "I get tomorrow's newspaper today, and spend my days going around trying to change the headlines before they're actually even set." He had given her the paper as he spoke; her eyes grew round when he pointed out the date, but she said nothing.

Reaching up to rub one finger across the date, she was still silent. Watching her in the soft glow cast by the lamp next to them, Gary was beginning to wonder if he'd made a mistake, if she hadn't believed him after all. She might think the paper was a gag he'd had printed up... no, when he'd told her he needed to talk to her about the paper, she smiled and commented she'd noticed he was somewhat attached to his news. Then she sat and listened to his unbelievable tale. He found it hard to believe himself, and he'd been dealing with the darn thing for almost two years now. The paper and the cat. That darn cat made the whole thing harder to believe than the paper all by itself. Why the stupid thing had to come with a cat, he had no idea. He'd given up on trying to figure that out a long time ago.

Lost in his thoughts, staring out the darkened windows of her apartment, Gary didn't realize for a moment that Kate had turned to him. As he returned his attention to the matter at hand, he couldn't stop the nauseous feeling that rose in his stomach. What if she *didn't* believe him? Accused him of lying, of making it up? What if she laughed at him? Gary swallowed, then anxiously met her eyes.

She wasn't laughing. Eyes bright, Kate looked more like she might cry. She brushed his hair back with one hand, the other hand clutching the paper.

"There's not one man in a hundred thousand in this city that would know what to do with this, and fewer still that would do it if they knew." She spoke fiercely... protectively. Gary stared at her. Inwardly braced for ridicule and rejection, he didn't quite know what to do with wholesale acceptance. Kate wasn't done.

"But you do. You know what to do, and what's more, you have the courage to do it." Her gaze grew serious, she touched his cheek lightly with her hand, drawing her fingers down his jaw line and out to his chin before she let go. Gary's stomach flipped at that, and it was all he could do to stop himself from grabbing her hand as she dropped it her lap. Kate shook her head.

"This can't be an easy thing. I see that in your eyes. It's a hard thing to do, to give your life for something you don't understand. To make these choices, day after day. But it's you, Gary. It fits you. With this," and she lifted the paper slightly from her lap and smiled, slowly, crookedly. Gary hadn't thought his heart could beat any faster than it already was beating, but he was wrong. "With this, you have a purpose in life as grand and big as your heart."

She was proud of him. Fervently proud of him, if her tone of voice meant anything. Gary flushed, looked away, one leg now bouncing nervously. He didn't know what to do now. But Kate did. Gary turned to her as, setting the paper on floor, she shifted closer and put her arms around his neck.

"I told you you were special, Gary Hobson."

Gary hated to extinguish that smile of hers, but he could definitely think of better things to do than just sit here and look at those lips. His arm dropped off the back of the couch and curved around her shoulders, his other hand coming up to cup her chin as they kissed.

But there were still some things that needed to be said, before... well, before they did something either one of them would regret. Kate seemed to understand this was a package deal, him and the paper and the cat, but she also had to know that this evening, this night before them wasn't something he could just do and then walk away from. She'd said she couldn't do this if it just meant tonight. Gary knew he couldn't do it if it didn't mean all the nights to come.

Pulling away for a moment, his arm still around her, he allowed himself to trace the soft curve where her neck and jawline met as he spoke.

"You, you said you wanted this to mean more than just tonight." She nodded minutely, her eyes huge in the half light. He swallowed, and dropped his hand to grasp hers where it lay in her lap. How had he done this with Marcia? It had been a big production, a fancy restaurant, a ring that he had barely paid off before she threw him out. But then that was Marcia: one big production, all the way around. Kate, she didn't need all that. At least, he didn't think she did. Might as well find out.

Holding her hand, studying their intertwined fingers, Gary looked up and found her gaze on him.

"I want this to mean you'll always be mine. Every night. And, and, every day. All day. I, I, I..." Her eyes were electric, intense and Gary was painfully aware of every breath she took in that turquoise dress. Swallowing - he seemed to be doing a lot of that tonight - Gary tried again. "I- I -I love you. You said Trevor was your mistake; Marcia was mine. If, if I had had any smarts, I would have taken you to the party that night instead of Marcia. I almost did. But, now, now, you're here, and I, I figure this is the chance I missed out on before. Not too many people get a second opportunity to do things right when they didn't take it the first time around. This time I don't intend to miss out. This isn't a deal, it's a relationship. A marriage. I won't cheat on you, or hurt you, not like Trevor. That is, if you'll have me... with the paper." Gary nodded at the tabloid on the floor as he finished.

Kate didn't say anyting for a minute. Eyes closed, her face was suddenly pale, and she looked like she was trying not to laugh or cry, Gary wasn't sure which. After a minute he grew concerned, and shifted his arm a bit on her shoulder. Her eyes flew open at that, brimming with unshed tears, and Gary didn't understand the hurt that he saw mingled there with the joy, and some other emotion he couldn't identify right away. His brows furrowed in concern, he opened his mouth, but Kate shook her head before he could say anything.

"No.. I, I mean, yes. Yes." Her gaze was direct, certain. "I love you too. Yes."

The joy banished the other emotions it had warred with for possession of her face, and Gary found himself smiling in return. Then they were both laughing and he held her tightly, not letting her go for a long time afterward. Gary softly rubbed his cheek against satin smoothness of Kate's hair as she settled deeper into his embrace, her head resting against his chest and shoulder as if it was always meant to be there. A moment for a different kind of passion, they savored it togther.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Go and love, go and love, young man,_

_ If the lady be young and fair."_

_ Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,_

_I am looped in the loops of her hair."_

_ \---William Butler Yeats_

_   
_

A few minutes later, Gary reached up and tugged one of the bright objects from Kate's hair. His instinct on the bridge had been right, for as he did so it tumbled down about her shoulders and over his arm in a silky cloud, releasing a tantalizing vanilla fragrance about them as it fell. The first hair pin tossed on the coffee table, his free hand searched for the other pin in the honey-colored mass surrounding them, while the other pulled Kate closer yet to him. Objective accomplished, he pitched the second pin in the general direction of the first one, his hand returning to bury itself in her hair as his lips found hers. Softly, almost hesitantly, they kissed, the passion they had checked earlier on the bridge bubbling just beneath the surface - and so too the surrender promised in the willingness of her lips beneath his.

Gary released Kate with his arm, shifting to sit facing her on the couch and bringing one hand now to her face, the other still lost in her hair, holding her to him as their kisses became more urgent. She reached up to brush his cheek and his stomach tightened as she drew her fingers slowly down his jaw, then down his neck to tug at his tie. Loosened already, it was quickly discarded, and her fingers busied themselves with the buttons on his shirt. Gary's hands now dropped to her neck, caressing the curves there, following one out to her shoulder where he found the material of her dress slipped freely down, shifting its neckline just enough to reveal the first swelling of one breast. Kate gasped as he brushed the back of his hand across it. Fingers faltering, she broke away from him, turning aside. One hand flew up to cover her mouth as if to prevent herself from crying out. Her hair was down around her face so that Gary couldn't see her eyes; what he could see of her face was pale and set.

"Kate?" One hand still lightly resting at the junction of her neck and shoulder, Gary tried to turn her face towards him with the other hand on her chin. Confused at her resistance, he stroked her cheek, but she didn't respond. Gary moved so he sat next to her. His arm went around her; he realized she was shaking, shivering, and his concern grew. What monsters had he accidently conjured for her this time? "Kate?"

With a deep breath, Kate finally looked up at him, and with a sick drop of his stomach to his toes Gary identified the unknown emotion he hadn't been able to before: Fear. Kate was afraid. Of him?

"We, we, we don't have to do this, if you don't want to," he offered, reaching for her hand. She grabbed his hand tightly between both of hers, closing her eyes and shaking her head vehemently at the same time.

"No... that's, that's not..." swallowing, once more not meeting his eyes, she traced his fingers where they intertwined with hers for a moment. Gary waited, holding her close as her shivering slowly eased, then kissing her temple gently. This was not something he wanted to mess up, and if that meant waiting a little while, he could do that. He pushed her away enough that he could see her face.

"Kate, I don't want either one of us to do anything we'll regret. It's all right with me if..." She shook her head again, leaning back against him, and Gary subsided, studying her in silence. What he really wanted, he realized, was to make whatever monsters inhabited Kate's memories go away. Forever. Along with a chance to tell Trevor Howard just what he thought of him. Trevor... Before he could follow that thought through, not that he was sure he wanted to, Kate looked up and smiled at him, her demons at least partially banished.

"As if I would ever regret being loved by you." Kate kissed him as she spoke, but Gary could feel the struggle within her, as her desire for him fought to surmount whatever fears his touch had summoned.

This time, he broke the kiss, and held her gently so she couldn't turn away from him. Seeing the question in his eyes, she closed hers, took a deep breath before meeting his gaze again. The monsters were back.

"It's just, just, with Trevor - not that I was with Trevor that often," she amended with a breathless, bitter laugh. Then somberly, not looking at Gary, she went on. "At the end, the last year or so, it... it's just that he took what he wanted pretty much when he wanted and it never really mattered to him how I felt about any of it."

Gary didn't have to ask. The truth was in her eyes as they finally met his, as she finally opened the last dark place in her soul to him. He knew his own sorrow and anger was as obvious to her, and there wasn't any need for words as he pulled her close and held her. Moments later, releasing her, he reached out and pulled her dress back up over her shoulder, prepared to apologize - for what he wasn't sure, maybe just for what she went through with that animal she wound up with for a husband. He figured it would probably be best if he went on home. Kate needed... he wasn't sure exactly what she needed, but Gary knew he wasn't about to do what Trevor had done to her, and just take what he wanted - without any thought for Kate.

Kate stopped him, her hand on his chin, her eyes bright, intense again, the fear not quite entirely replaced by something else now, her love for him, he realized, coupled with a longing he understood all too well.

"Gary, I lost the love I had with Trevor. I lost what it feels like to love a man with my entire being, heart and mind and body, and have him love me back the same way. Trevor took that from me, took away the love we shared. You've offered it back to me, all of it, only better, because it's with you now, and I know you'll never do what he did or be what he was. I'm tired of being afraid and broken and alone. When I think about being with someone now, I want it to be you. I want to know what it's like again, to love someone that completely." She paused, searching his face for confirmation that he understood what she was saying. Reaching up to brush her fingers through his hair, she finished softly, "I want you to be the one to show me that kind of love again. I want you to do it tonight."

Her gaze met his steadily, but Gary waited for a minute, wanting her to be sure, wanting this to be the right decision for both of them. Then, with a deep breath, he smiled at her.

"I think I can do that."

No more monsters crawled out from anywhere to interrupt after that. Gary stood, pulling Kate up with him. They kissed, her hands busy pulling at his shirt and finding the last buttons to undo while his caressed her neck and shoulders then pulled her close when she finished his shirt and he went looking for buttons or zippers or something on the back of her dress. He found a couple of buttons, and managed to undo them without too much trouble. Letting go of Kate long enough for her to help him shed his shirt and t-shirt, he tugged the loosened bodice of her dress down, exposing most of her decolletage to his touch. Her hands caressing his chest and shoulders, he gently slipped his hands inside the material to cup the fullness of her breasts, Kate's breath coming in a great indrawn gasp as he did so - only this time she didn't pull away, didn't retreat, and Gary spared one hand to pull her to him tightly and kiss her again, firmly, before looking for whatever fastener would get the rest of her dress out of their way.

Catching his eye, Kate smiled impishly, and put his free hand on her left side, just behind and below her breast. Smiling in return, Gary kissed her as he pulled the zipper he found there down. Eyes wide, he stepped back in shock as she shrugged and the dress slipped down into a puddle of material at her feet. She stood there with nothing on but a pair of silky underpants, of indeterminate color in the dim light. Gary could see... Kate giggled, and that did intriguing things to her visible anatomy. Flushing, he stared at her for a moment before meeting her gaze again, her face puckish as she smiled.

"It's um, it's kind of all built in with that dress."

"I, I, I can, I can see that." Shaking his head, his face hot, Gary had to smile back. Then he took her hand and she stepped away from the dress completely and he pulled her slowly to the floor with him, the remainder of their clothing scattered about them as they went. Strangers yet, Gary couldn't shake the picture of Kate's fear moments ago, and his touch was slow, his kisses gentle, his presence healing. Suddenly, between one caress and the next, Gary felt the remnant of her fear flee. Halting for the moment, his hazel eyes met hers, assurance sought and received in tandem. Smiling, Kate reached for him, pulling him to her as she slid beneath him, welcoming him with her entire being. Awkward and disjointed at first, their love gradually found its own rhythm, it's own music, Kate's surrender everything and more that had been promised at the bridge as the night narrowed to nothing but the sharing of their flesh and the mingling of their souls.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

_" I bring you with reverent hands_ __

_The books of my numberless dreams..._"

_ \---William Butler Yeats_

 

_   
_

*_Plop!_*

"Mreeow!"

Shifting his head on the unfamiliar pillow, for a minute Gary couldn't remember where he was. Tightly drawn shades hindered the morning sun, shafts of light lancing around their edges cris-crossed the rust-colored walls of the bedroom, weaving a lattice pattern across the field workers in the one print hanging in the room. The top of the dresser it hung above was a jumble of wadded up clothes and pictures of mostly smiling people. Facing him on the bedside table was an old fashioned brass wind-up alarm clock with those annoying bells on top; a stack of books perched precariously on the edge of the table next to it. Gary wasn't sure which of the two would the best - or worst - wake up call, the alarm itself, or the books hitting the floor. He'd just noticed the weight across his chest when it moved. As he identified Kate's arm, draped across him from behind, memory came flooding back. Rolling over, Gary found Kate looking at him quizzically.

"Gary? What is it?"

His breath caught in his throat as he remembered all of the night before, not just the first time they made love. Without speaking, he reached for Kate. She came willingly, sliding between the smooth cotton sheets into his embrace. Last night, never able to completely put aside Kate's experiences with Trevor, Gary had felt a certain need for restraint on his part. Their lovemaking had been incredible, but tender and gentle. This morning, Kate's response to his touch made it plain that restraint was the last thing she wanted from him. She kissed him deeply, hungrily, her caresses leaving scorching trails on his skin as her hands roamed over him. His hands busy with her curves in return, their legs entwined as Gary pulled Kate tightly to him and --

"Mreeow!"

"Oh my God!" Kate's eyes were huge as she pulled away from him, and Gary turned to find Snow's cat sitting primly next to him on the dark green sheet. Unimpressed, the cat blinked at him, jumping off the bed and onto the nightstand just as Gary grabbed for it. Clock and books went flying, everything including Snow's cat landing on the floor in a series of thumps. Bells shrilling in its wake, the cat ran across the bare floor and disappeared into the main room of Kate's apartment. The pillow Gary launched after it landed with an impotent plop against the half open door behind it.

"You just can't give it a rest, can you? Not even one morning? Not even *this* morning?" The object of his ire safely beyond his reach, Gary laid face down against the sheets for just a second, cursing the cat and all its ancestors and all its progeny forever. He just couldn't win. Not against the cat, and certainly not against the paper. The alarm bells jangled as he searched for the off switch, then he rolled back over in the sudden silence. The bed sheet she clutched to her chest only partially obscuring her nudity, Kate sat upright, staring after the cat. Gary swore again. Damn that cat, anyway.

"Is that, that...." Words failing her, Kate pointed in the general direction the cat had taken.

"Yeah. It's the cat. With the newspaper. At least, the newspaper is probably somewhere around here too." And the cat's appearance meant he should probably get up and retrieve the paper, especially if it was outside her door. Sulkily refusing to jump to the cat's demands this morning, Gary stayed put, one hand lightly stroking Kate's back as he watched her grapple with its presence in her apartment. When he'd decided to stay late last night, he'd gambled that either the cat would have no problem finding him here, or, if not, he'd get home in time to deal with anything that came up in the paper. But secretly Gary had really hoped to have the morning to spend with Kate. He should have known better by now.

"Your cat? With the newspaper you told me about last night?"

"It's not my cat," Gary responded automatically. "But yeah, he comes with the newspaper. Every morning..." He paused, watching the effects on Kate's figure as she reached up and brushed her hair away from her face. His fingers itched to do that for her, among other things he remembered from last night.

"But, how did it find you here? How--"

"MREEOW!"

Gary sighed, flinging back the sheet and the plaid comforter to search briefly for his clothes before he remembered: he'd left them in the living room last night. Kate's amusement was obvious as she grabbed a folded towel from a laundry basket next to the bed and handed it to him.

Taking the heavy blue towel, Gary stood and wrapped it around his waist.

"I don't know how it finds me. I don't know how it found me to begin with. If I knew, it wouldn't find me. At least, I'd get a morning or two to sleep in now and then." Gary secured the towel and turned toward the door of her bedroom.

"Oh, right, like you planned on sleeping in this morning." Kate lay back on the bed and stretched luxuriously, the covers falling down to her waist as she did so.

Grinning, Gary pointed at her.

"You, you, you just knock that off. I just might be right back and then you'll be sorry--" He made a hasty exit from the cluttered bedroom as Kate laughingly threw the last pillow from her bed after him.

Kate's turquoise dress was still crumpled on the navy rug where she had shrugged it off last night. Making his way across the main living area, Gary couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face at the sight of it. He gathered his own clothes up as he went, dumping them all in a pile on Kate's couch before turning toward the business at hand. Glaring at the cat where it sat beside the door in a tall, straight-backed oaken chair, he barked his shin against the wooden frame of Kate's upholstered rocker. Swearing as he hopped briefly on one foot, Gary shot the cat another lethal look. Tail twitching impatiently, the cat mreeowed and pawed at the door knob.

Gary checked the towel before sparing the animal one more disgusted glare. Opening the door just a crack, he checked first for neighbors who might be early risers. No sense embarrassing Kate if he could avoid it. The coast was clear, and the paper sat there on the doorstep, looking for all the world as if it belonged there. One hand holding the towel at his waist, he opened the door wider and bent over to grab the tabloid. At the same moment the door across the hall opened. Gary froze, his eyes coming up to meet the curious gaze of an elderly lady. About Kate's height, slim and dressed in a blue jogging suit, she had a small backpack in her hand.

"Good morning." She smiled benignly at him.

"Uh, um, good, good morning." Gary's first thought was just how grateful he was that Kate liked the large bath sheets, not the smaller, regular sized bath towels.

"Yes, it is. Tell Kate that I'm still expecting her for lunch today, if you don't mind." Eyes twinkling, she couldn't have missed the flush that was stealing up his cheeks.

"I, I, I'll do that, ma'am."

Nodding the woman stepped out and locked her door with the key. Turning to Gary, she smiled again, her amusement at his predicament obvious.

"You know, you could hurt your back if you stand like that for too long."

"What? Oh. Y-y-yes ma'am."

"Good morning Mrs. D'Amato." Gary jumped, finally standing up straight as Kate, wrapped in a short flowered robe, one hand holding it closed tightly around her neck, stepped up beside him. "What time did you want me to meet you?"

"Oh, would 11 o'clock be too early? I had hoped to show you the Chagall windows before we ate." Mrs. D'Amato smiled at Gary. "Can you believe that in all the years she's lived in Chicago, she's never seen the those windows?"

Gary shook his head. He wasn't even going to try to say anything.

"That sounds great, Mrs. D'Amato." Kate's cheeks were scarlet. "I'll be there."

Nodding, the elderly woman headed down the hall, turning back to them after just a few steps.

"You two kids enjoy your morning."

"We will, Mrs. D'Amato," Kate responded automatically, then flushed even redder as she realized what she'd said.

Pulling Gary into her apartment as Mrs. D'Amato disappeared around the corner toward the elevator, Kate closed the door and collapsed against it in a fit of giggles. Released from her grip, the robe slid tantalizingly down her shoulders, revealing her cleavage, but not much else. Gary's breath caught in his throat again, and he was lost momentarily in the memories of the night they had just shared. He only half heard Kate's next comment.

"Well that's done it. You *have* to marry me and make an honest woman out of me now. Mrs. D'Amato will never let you off the hook after this." Looking up when he didn't respond, Kate followed his line of sight, and tugged her robe shut with a laugh.

"Shouldn't you be looking at that instead?"

"Huh?" Confused, Gary found himself on the receiving end of Kate's laughter as she watched him flounder back to the present. She walked up beside him and pushed the paper, forgotten in his hand, up against his chest.

"Oh! Yeah. Yeah, I guess I should." He looked from her to the paper, reluctantly choosing the latter.

Kate brushed a kiss across his cheek as she headed for the kitchen. Gary reluctantly shook the paper open. The front head lines were all political or world news, nothing for him to do. Through the open wall from the living area he could see Kate rummaging in the kitchen, and he paused his inspection of the paper long enough to watch her setting water on to boil for coffee. Sunlight from the large windows behind her brought the honey-colored highlights out in her hair, and Gary stared at her, his thoughts and emotions suddenly in turmoil. That Kate had been willing to not only spend last night with him, but to accept him and his life with the paper... Kate looked up as she poured the beans into the grinder and caught his eye. Gary returned her smile before turning to quickly scan the rest of the pages. He could get used to this. No, he was *going* to get used to this.

The earliest item he could find requiring his attention was an accident at a construction site downtown. The paper listed the accident as happening at 9:45. Checking the antique clock ticking alone on the wall in Kate's dining area, Gary realized that left him almost 3 hours. He looked over the paper, staring suspiciously at the cat curling around his feet.

"Just what are you trying to prove?" he asked it quietly. The cat looked up at him and mreeowed once, before running into the kitchen. Pulling a chair out, Gary sat at the dining table with the paper, taking the time to read it thoroughly now. In the kitchen, Kate was telling the cat she only had milk, and that would have to do until she could get some real cat food. Nope, his first quick run-through had been right. There were a few things for him to do this afternoon, but nothing this morning until the construction site accident. The smell of coffee grabbed his attention, and he looked up to find Kate standing beside him with two steaming mugs. Gary took the one she offered him, folding the paper and setting it down on the tile table top as he did so. He took a drink, then stood, taking her coffee and setting both mugs next to the paper.

"You got anything in there you need to turn off?"

The question in her eyes quickly replaced by comprehension, she smiled, wordlessly shaking her head. Gary took her hand and kissed it, before pulling her with him toward the bedroom, the cat unnoticed at their heels. Stopping beside the bed, Gary untied her robe and slipped it off her shoulders before taking her in his arms.

"Since there's no use trying to go back to sleep..." he murmured as he bent to kiss her. Kate laughed and put her arms around him as he kicked the door closed behind them, only to open it an instant later to shove the cat back out into the main room.

"You, you, you can just wait out here, you hear me?" Gary threatened the cat with one finger. "None of this disappearing reappearing stuff, either? Hear? Or there'll be a nasty surprise in your kitty litter box."

The cat said nothing, just sat and stared at the door long after it had closed.


	6. Chapter 6

_"I bring you with reverent hands _

_The books of my numberless dreams,"_

\---William Butler Yeats

 

 

It was a normal, midweek afternoon at McGinty's. Empty of all but one or two customers, the main room of the bar was quiet in the early afternoon sunlight. His lunch half gone, Gary sat with his elbows up on the counter, chin in one hand, staring off into the distance. Crumb was replenishing stock at the other end of the bar. In the kitchen, Chuck and Marissa could be heard arguing - as usual. The paper lay open beside Gary's plate, the article about the construction site accident replaced by an ad for Carson-Scott-Pirie. He'd gotten there in plenty of time to prevent the tragedy, despite the morning's... distractions.

The paper's to do list momentarily blank, Gary absently took a bite of his sandwich, smiling to himself as his thoughts wandered back over those distractions. Afterward, showered and tucking in his shirt and pocketing his tie, he met Kate as he came out of her bedroom. Once again wrapped in her robe, she handed the paper to him with a crack about this bringing a new dimension to seeing the hubby off to work in the morning. She then gave him a scrambled egg sandwich wrapped in a napkin, some juice in a travel cup, and the keys to her car as they headed towards the front door. Her face lifted towards him as she stopped at the door, but Gary reached out and wrapped his arms around her - paper, sandwich, and all. When his fervent kisses showed no sign of letting up, his lips wandering instead out across her face and down her neck, Kate finally broke away, laughingly pushing him back.

"Down, boy," she joked, holding him at arm's length as she opened the door. Her eyes were bright as she shoved him out of her apartment. Gary, paper under one arm as he walked backwards down the hall, pointed back at her with the hand that held the juice.

"I'll be back to finish this later." Their eyes caught and held, and Kate flushed, suddenly shy as she nodded. Gary heard the door to her apartment close after he rounded the corner. He was grateful for the empty elevator as he struggled to regain his composure and focus on the paper's business for the day. There were people out there who needed him.

_Yeah, but there was someone in Kate's apartment who needed him too..._ Shaking that thought aside for another time, he headed out towards Kate's car, devouring his sandwich as he went.

Gary grabbed a hard hat as he arrived at the construction site 30 minutes later. He got the workers' attention and managed to call them aside just before the crane's cable broke. There had been a stunned silence after the heavy concrete panels plunged to the ground where they had been standing seconds before. His hasty exit concealed in the ensuing confusion, Gary actually made it back to McGinty's and upstairs to change his clothes without running into anyone but Marissa in the office. He handled a few minor rescues after that, and headed back at McGinty's for a late lunch. Once there, he found Kate had left a message for him with Crumb, saying he could return her car later, if he wanted to stop by tonight.

*If* he wanted to stop by? After last night, even if nothing happened tonight, how could she say "if?" Crumb stared at him, the question in his eyes unmistakable. Gary flushed involuntarily, and Crumb's expression quickly changed to a slight warning look. Kate and the retired detective had hit it off right away, much like Gary's mom and Crumb had taken to each other. With Kate on her own, the older man seemed to see himself as her adopted dad. So far there hadn't been anything about the idea of Crumb looking out for Kate that had bothered Gary. Now he wasn't so sure. Crumb figured out far too quickly for Gary's comfort just exactly what had gone on between he and Kate last night.

A call for a refill by one of the two customers in the room saved him from actually answering Crumb's silent enquiry. As the bartender turned away, Gary quickly busied himself with his lunch. Crumb seemed satisfied that the mild evil eye he'd given his boss was warning enough, striking up a conversation with the customer he'd just served and leaving the younger man in peace with his thoughts and memories.

Folding the paper beside his plate as he swallowed the last bite of his sandwich, Gary's thoughts turned toward possible distractions to come tonight, only half hearing Chuck and Marissa as they burst through the kitchen doors. Chuck was arguing his case vociferously, Marissa resolutely repeating "No," whenever he paused for breath. Calling Gary's name imploringly, Chuck headed towards where he sat at the bar, closely followed by Marissa. Swallowing some of his beer, Gary carefully placed it on the bar in front of him, ignoring the conversation taking place around him.

Even without Crumb's encouragement he knew he and Kate should set a wedding date shortly; it wouldn't do to have Kate getting pregnant before they tied the knot. And he needed to call his folks and tell them, and Kate needed to find out when her dad's carrier would be in port so they could schedule the wedding around his leave time and --

"So, Gar? Be a man, and say 'yes' for once, okay?" Chuck's voice cut across Gary's reverie, and he looked up to find his partner standing there, feet set, arms crossed, doing his best imitation of the Rock of Gibraltar. Marissa just sighed, shaking her head as she felt for a bar stool with one hand, the other holding a thick braille book. Gary pulled one next to him out for her as he tried to sort out what the two had been arguing about. Whatever it was, it was probably no big deal. Chuck had actually done all right managing the bar, with Marissa there to balance out his wilder ideas.

"Sure, why not?" Gary shrugged. He had better things to do than referee for these two today. Gary missed the incredulous looks that broke across both his friends' faces as he returned to trying to figure out what kind of wedding he wanted. He and Kate had agreed last night that one big wedding was enough. They'd both been that route with their first marriages. At this point, smaller was better.

Chuck was still talking, and Gary nodded vaguely as he took another swig from the bottle in front of him. A ring. He needed to get Kate a ring. Shoot, he really should make some notes before he called his folks. His mom would want details, not just generic plans and --

"Gary!" Marissa's shock finally got his attention. He tuned in to find her facing him, eyes wide and a look of... disgust? on her face.

"Huh? What? What'd I do?"

Marissa shook her head, her mouth open in amazement.

"It's not what you did, it's what you just told Chuck he could do."

Confused, Gary stared back and forth between the two of them, Marissa still gaping at him in incredulous disgust, and Chuck standing just behind her. The shorter man looked like a kid who'd just been handed the keys to the candy store and was half expecting them to be yanked away.

"You all right, buddy?"

"Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm fine. What are you gonna do?"

"Didn't you hear me?" Chuck was suddenly all wide-eyed, blue-eyed innocence and Gary's stomach sank. What had he gotten himself into?

"Well, sort of...." His voice trailed off as Chuck raised one eyebrow. "Well, okay, I wasn't really paying attention. What did you say?" He could see the wheels turning in Chuck's mind, and he quickly took refuge in bluster. "What are you trying to pull over on me now?"

Marissa smiled, her "I can't wait to hear this" smile. Gary's worry grew. What exactly had he just agreed to?

"Chuck?"

"Why don't you just let me set it all up and then you'll see. It'll be a surprise, a big one." Chuck grinned, a certain twinkle in his eye that Gary knew all too well. Oh, boy. He was in trouble - big trouble. Crumb appeared, setting a cup of coffee down by Marissa's hand with a "here you go, young lady." She smiled her thanks, and he returned to his conversation at the other end of the bar.

"No, why don't you just tell me right now, buddy. You're not doing anything until you tell me what's going on." His voice cracked as he stared at his friend.

"Go ahead, Chuck." Marissa's voice cut smoothly across his worry. "Tell us how many former Playmates you plan on contacting for McGinty's lingerie night."

Gary's jaw dropped.

"L-l-l-linger, lingerie, lingerie - I never, I never agreed to a lingerie night!"

Chuck's smile would have put a crocodile to shame.

"Sure you did, buddy! I heard you and so did Marissa and so did Crumb over there." Crumb snorted from where he stood at the other end of the bar. Marissa turned to Gary, her expression plain. She wanted to know just how Gary was going to rescue them all from Chuck this time. Still standing behind Marissa, Chuck bounced on his toes, his glee at Gary's predicament obvious.

"Well, if I would have heard what you said, I would never have said yes. This is, this is, we are, we're a sports bar, not, not, we're not a Hooters!"

Chuck's face lit up like a kid's at Christmas, and Marissa shook her head before burying her face in her hand. Gary could have kicked himself. Why in the world had he given Chuck an idea like that? He didn't give Chuck an opportunity to say anything further on the subject

"No, we're not doing that, and we're not doing any sort of lingerie night. Period. This is a sports bar, and we don't need that kind of, that kind of, well, that kind of stuff."

"Oh, come on, Gary, everyone else is doing it! Ask Marissa about the revenues on some of the non-game nights! We could really bring in the business if we'd do this." Chuck gestured angrily in Marissa's direction, obviously feeling his advantage slipping away.

"Chuck, the revenue on the game nights more than makes up for the slow nights." Marissa was unyielding. "We have no need to stoop to something as low as a lingerie night."

Chuck turned to Gary, prepared to wheedle some more. Gary shook his head, firmly in agreement with Marissa - again.

"No. And, and, that's final!" Gary pointed at Chuck, who gave him a disgusted look. The phone rang behind them, and Crumb answered it. He called down the bar to Chuck that it was for him.

"Well, then why'd you say yes to begin with?" Chuck grumbled at Gary before leaning across the bar behind Marissa to answer the phone. Marissa opened her book.

Gary ignored them both, taking refuge in the paper. Nothing had cropped up so far that hadn't been there this morning. . The boney model in the ad that replaced his construction site story on page eight caught his eye. She had nothing near Kate's figure, but the dress she was wearing had enough resemblance to the one Kate had on last night that Gary chuckled in spite of himself. When that dress slid off...

A minute or two later, Gary realized he was still staring at the same page, with the same silly grin on his face. Phone call finished, Chuck was leaning on the bar on the other side of Marissa, who was now engrossed in her braille book. Chuck's eyebrows half raised, Gary didn't like the gleam he saw creeping into his friend's eyes. He quickly turned the page and blindly searched for something to look at.

Chuck came around Marissa to lean on the bar beside Gary. He flicked the paper with one finger as Gary tried to ignore him.

"My, we're in a good mood today. Positively _glowing_. What's happened to lighten your load, buddy?" The last word was loaded with inference as only Chuck could say it. Marissa's head came up as Chuck spoke, her finger pausing in its tracing across the heavy manilla page.

Gary shot him a glare over the paper, feeling the heat rise in his face.

"Nothing. Just got a light day today, that's all. Besides, there's no law against being in a good mood, is there?" He folded the paper and grabbed his beer.

"So, how was last night?" Marissa asked, propping her chin on one hand. Gary choked on his beer, and Chuck pounded him helpfully on the back as he tried to catch his breath.

"L-l-l-last, last night?" Chuck's grin widened as Gary stammered, wiping the overflow from his spasm of coughing off his chin with the back of one hand. Marissa's intuition was, well, uncanny, but she couldn't know about last night - could she? He stared at Marissa briefly before deciding she was just asking an innocent question. It was his guilty conscience that had him feeling like everyone could see right through him. Speaking of everyone...

"Yeah, you know, Gary, your date, Kate, the _play_?" Chuck's glee was increasing in time with the color in Gary's face. Marissa's brow wrinkled as she tried to catch the undercurrents flowing around her.

"The play, the play, the play was fine, just fine, that's what it was." Leveling another glare at Chuck, Gary grabbed a napkin from a pile behind the bar and wiped his hand and his face again.

Chuck nodded sagely at Gary's reply.

"Oh, and did Kate enjoy the _play_?" Marissa right there and Crumb at the other end of the bar were the only things that kept Gary from wiping that smirk off Chuck's face. As it was, he settled for an icy stare that only fed Chuck's mirth. Okay, fine, if that was the way Chuck wanted to be.

"Yeah. She did. As a matter of fact, she enjoyed it a lot."

"Oooohhhhh." Chuck's eyebrows rose, and his grin widened. "Maybe the two of you should take in a play more often."

It was Marissa's turn to choke on her coffee. Both men turned to her as she coughed, and Chuck quickly handed her a napkin from the same pile Gary had just made use of. Neither one of them missed the sudden look of comprehension on her face. The napkin she held to her mouth didn't hide her smile. Gary mentally took back every thing he'd ever given Chuck, and fervently wished his friend at the bottom of Lake Michigan - just long enough to wipe that god-awful smart-assed sneer off Chuck's face.

Marissa finally broke the awkward silence that fell as an ecstatic Chuck refused to be stared down by Gary.

"Gary, are you going to tell Kate about the paper?" She spoke softly, mindful of the men standing at the other end of the bar.

Grateful for the change of subject, Gary dropped his gaze to her.

"I already did. Last night."

"Was that before or after the _play_?" Chuck took a step backward as he spoke, but the leering grin stayed the same.

Gary decided he knew how to change the subject, and get that stinking insinuating tone out of Chuck's voice.

"Yeah, it was after the play. Right before I asked her to marry me." Gary thoroughly enjoyed the stunned look that replaced the smirk on Chuck's face. Marissa reached out for his arm.

"You did what?"

"I asked her to marry me."

Chuck stepped up next to Gary, his eyes serious.

"For real, Gar? You really asked her--"

"Gary? Are you sure?" Marissa cut Chuck off, and for once Chuck didn't object. They both stared at him. Giving up on pretending what had happened between he and Kate last night hadn't, Gary spoke up in his own defense.

"Well, yeah, I did, and yes I am. You don't think I'd just, I'd just -- she's not that kind of girl. And I'm not that kind of guy." He shoved away the irritation he felt at his friends' reaction to his news. Did they think he just did this without thinking it through? That he just let his, well. desires get the best of him? Pushing away the niggling thought that was at least part of what happened last night, Gary looked at Marissa as she finally spoke again.

"What did she say?"

"Well, she said yes."

"About the paper." Gary glared at Chuck, then realized Marissa was leaning forward, just as anxiously waiting for his answer as Chuck was. He swallowed, feeling the flush creeping up his cheeks again. Gee whiz, did he have to tell them what Kate had said? Studying their intent faces, he realized he did. They had helped him carry the burden for these last two years, they deserved to know, at least a little bit.

He swallowed, not sure he could get all this out with a straight face.

"She, she, she said it fit me. That, that it made more sense to her than me being a stock broker or running a bar." There. He wouldn't tell them the rest, not if his life depended on it. Well, maybe, but it didn't, and he wasn't going to embarrass himself any further if he didn't have to.

Marissa's eyebrows went up, as did Chuck's. Chuck blew out a heavy sigh, crossing his arms and studying Gary silently. Marissa propped her chin in one hand again, and seemed lost in thought. Gary was really irritated now.

"Well, don't you have anything else to say?" The conversation at the other end of the bar stalled as his overly loud voice carried to them. Gary winced. He really didn't want the extra attention.

"Like what?" Chuck's eyes were wide in shock this time. He was careful to speak in a whisper though, as he spoke his mind. "You didn't want to know what we had to say before you did this, before you decided to just go telling any and everyone about the paper."

Gary glared at him.

"Well, for one Kate's not just anyone, she's gonna be my wife. For two, what does it have to do with you anyway? It's my life! Not yours! You wouldn't bother to ask me about something like this - not that you'd ever find a girl fool enough to marry you in the first place, not once she got to know you."

Mouth agape, Chuck stared at Gary, his indignant response aborted by Marissa's calm voice.

"Gary, it's just, well, the paper, it's a big responsibility. Almost like being married to a cop, or a doctor. Worse maybe. Not everyone can be a cop's wife, or a doctor's. It takes a special kind of person." Her voice dropped even lower. "It's just, it's just... we just don't want to see you get hurt again."

Gary stared at them both, only partially able to swallow his anger. The cat jumped up on the bar in front of him, and he took some of his ire out on it, grabbing it and dumping it on the floor, before meeting Chuck's concerned gaze again.

"W-w-w-well, the paper doesn't come to you, it comes to me, and it's my responsibility, and if Kate tells me she can handle it, I believe her. And you know, it might be nice for you to at least congratulate me before you start criticizing her and me. It's our decision, and it, it, it's *my* paper." He stood as he finished speaking, and without giving them a chance to answer grabbed the paper and headed for the front door. He nodded grimly to Crumb on his way out. There were people out there who needed him, people he needed to take care of, even if his friends here thought he couldn't take care of himself or the paper without them.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Danger no refuge holds, and war no peace, _

_For him who hears love sing and never cease..."_

\---William Butler Yeats

 

Gary shifted the flowers he held in one hand to dig Kate's keys out of his pocket. The elevator seemed to be taking forever to get to Kate's floor, and he resisted the urge to take the rolled-up paper from the back pocket of his jeans and check it again. There had been a few too many incidents crop up at the last minute today, from a little leaguer hit by a pop fly to a bicyclist injured in a hit and run accident. Checking his watch impatiently as the elevators finally opened on the sixth floor, Gary was stunned. 10:13? And he'd told Kate he thought he'd be at her place by 8:30.

Maybe he shouldn't have stopped for the flowers. But this was the fourth time this week he'd been delayed by the paper. Maybe he should have let the Alzheimer's patient be found by the care givers who were looking for her. It would only have been another hour until she was found anyway, but it had been on his way, and Gary had appreciated the family's gratitude for their grandmother's return. It was a nice change from the suspicion and irritation he usually received for his efforts.

Waiting for Kate to answer his knock, he eyed her door critically. There had been a domestic dispute listed in the paper today as well. Gary had called the police from the pay phone down the street, then gone to the house to see what he could do in case the police didn't arrive in time. Normally he wouldn't have taken the chance, not gotten that involved, not after Nikki and her boys - he'd never been sure if he'd helped or exacerbated that family's problems. But after Kate's story last week, the idea of not doing anything in a case like that had left him slightly nauseous. What if someone could have helped Kate, and didn't?

Of course, that didn't mean he'd really been able to help the woman today. She and her children, four-year-old twins, one of whom bit Gary when he was trying to get them out of her apartment, didn't want to leave with him at first. They'd been willing enough to go, though, a few minutes later when the boyfriend showed up. Quickly ushering the family out the back door of the house, he had them over to a neighbor's before the enraged man was finished kicking in the front door. He noted with relief that Kate's door seemed much more solid than that one. Even if by some small chance Trevor ever did show up, it would take a mountain to move this door if it was locked.

The peephole darkened briefly, and then Kate opened the door, holding the cordless phone to her ear with one shoulder. She smiled brightly at Gary as he held out the flowers, waving him in. Dressed in a dark brown sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, her hair was caught up with a single long pin into a bundle on top of her head.

"No, that might work out. I'll have to ask him though." Still listening to her phone call, she pointed at the keys he held in his hand, wrinkling her brow in an unspoken question. Gary shrugged, sheepishly. Truth was, he felt like it wasn't quite his right yet to be using keys to open her door. That wouldn't really be until they were married. She accepted his kiss on one cheek, and, continuing her conversation over the phone, led the way into the kitchen. After a brief search of a couple of cabinets she handed him a large Mason jar with an apologetic shrug. Gary took care of the flowers as Kate picked up a pencil and sat on a bar stool watching him. Whoever she was talking to was still going strong, and she began making notes on the pad in front of her. Finally, the voice in the phone paused.

"I'll talk to him about it and let you know tomorrow, okay?...No, he just came in. Brought me flowers." Gary blushed as he set the flowers on the bar in the spot Kate indicated with her pencil. The voice mumbled again, and Kate responded, "Hang on a sec, Bertie." Catching Gary's eye as she lowered the phone, she said, "It's my sister, Bertie. She says congratulations, and she only wants two things: number one, your dental records, and number two, she wants to know what in the world you're doing here so late at night."

The squawk that came from the earpiece of the phone matched Gary's silent consternation, and Kate laughed out loud. Putting the phone back up to her mouth, she said her good-byes, her eyes twinkling as Gary blushed again. Finally, Kate switched off the phone and gave in to her laughter. Shaking his head, Gary walked over took her in his arms.

"Aren't you the rabble rouser tonight?" Arms around her waist, he leaned back against the bar, pulling Kate against him, her arms going around his neck in return.

"Sorry." She confessed, but the twinkle in her eyes as she returned his kiss belied her contrition. A minute or two later, she pushed him away. "If you could have seen the look on your face though... It was worth not being able to hear out of my ear for the next week." Still giggling, she reached around him for the notepad. Gary blocked her arm with his shoulder, an answering twinkle in his eyes.

"Nope, you still owe me for that one." She didn't seem to mind greatly when his kiss stifled her objection, to judge by the ardor with which her lips answered his. Gary's hand stole up underneath her sweatshirt to caress the soft skin of her back, Kate's hands playing with his hair. As much as she seemed to be enjoying his attention though, she seemed distracted. After a couple of minutes, she pulled back, her hands dropping to his shoulders where she absently traced the pattern in his plaid shirt. Her eyes somber, it was another minute before she would look at him. Gary waited, patiently, unsure what was on her mind. Then with a deep breath, she looked at him.

"Someone had a video camera at that hit and run today."

Everything in the room froze for the moment while Gary stared at her, suddenly noticing just how red and puffy her eyes were. Kate saw that? *Shit!* Gary looked away from her aquamarine eyes, the same color as the ring he'd found for her yesterday, the one sparkling on her hand as she played with his shirt. He studied the pictures on the wall behind Kate for a moment. Kate at her brother's graduation from the Naval Academy, in her sister's wedding. Her niece and nephews. Her sister and her husband, with the kids. Her Dad and her brother and her grandfather, all in uniform. Her parents' wedding photo. Damn! It used to be that he only had to worry about alarming Chuck and Marissa with some of the rescues the paper required of him. That was one thing he hadn't really thought through with bringing Kate into his life. What right did he have to ask her to--

"Gary." He looked back at her, not sure what to say, how to tell her it was all right if she wanted out, if she didn't want to live with what his life had become. He'd be miserable if she left now, but he could hardly ask her to stay if...

"I was so upset when I saw how close you came to being hit by that truck, I almost couldn't see straight. I wanted to yell at you , I was so angry. How could you put yourself at risk like that, when you knew I was here, waiting for you? Don't you know what it would do to me to lose you now, after I've found so much happiness with you?" She paused, tears welling up in her eyes once more.

Miserably, Gary opened his mouth, the words that would release her from his promise reluctant to squeeze past the lump in his throat, inwardly steeling himself for what he knew was coming. But Kate shook her head at him. She wasn't done yet.

"Then, Bertie happened to call. She'd talked to Mom, and they wanted to talk to me about the wedding. She could tell I was upset, but I didn't know how to tell her what was bothering me without giving the paper away." Gary nodded. He understood that dilemma, all too well. Kate smiled ruefully as she met his sympathetic glance, then her eyes flicked away for a moment before coming back to his as she continued.

"She finally got enough out of me to understand that I was upset about you putting your life on the line for someone else." Now her smile was thin. "I think she thinks you're an undercover agent or something."

Gary's eyebrows shot up. That was a new one. Kate went on.

"You know, she goes through that every time Matt gets sent out on a mission. He's a SEAL, and the stuff they do is really top secret. He can't even tell her where he's going to be or when he'll get back. And, Mom went through that with Dad, every time his frigate went out. Especially when he was in the Gulf War." Kate smile was rueful now. "You know what? Bertie was right when she said you wouldn't be the man I loved if I didn't let you do what you had to do."

Gary couldn't think of anything to say. Kate didn't seem to mind. Her arms went up around his neck again, and she rested her forehead against his briefly, before looking deeply into his eyes.

"You do what you have to do with that paper, Gary Hobson. But, you darn well better be as careful as you can be, because I do not want to lose the privilege of waking up next to you for the rest of my life."

It was later, much later that Gary headed into the kitchen for a late night snack. Kate followed him, suddenly gasping as the notepad on the counter caught her eye.

"Oh, I promised Bertie I'd call her tomorrow about this."

Gary looked up from where he was staring into the refrigerator.

"About what?" He reached for the leftover lasagna he could see hiding just behind the tub of cottage cheese. He still didn't see how Kate could eat that stuff every morning for breakfast. She didn't answer as he pulled the dish out of the refrigerator and stepped over to the microwave, pausing a moment after he put the lasagna in to stare at the buttons. It was a newer model than his, and he hadn't quite figured it out yet. Kate's arm reached around him, pressing one button with a finger and the light quickly went on. That taken care of, Gary turned to her. Notepad in one hand, she was looking at him apologetically.

"Well, it seems that there's no way they can all come in November. I mean, Mom and Bertie could, and maybe Alex, but Dad and Matt couldn't." Gary waited for her to finish. Kate looked at the notepad in her hand again.

"But, Dad and Matt and Alex all have leave next month, in 4 weeks. Then they could all be here, and Bertie and Mom were wondering if we'd be willing to move the wedding up and have it then. If that's all right with you..." Her voice faltered, the hand holding the notepad dropping to her side as she stared back at him.

"They, they want, they want us to move the wedding *up?*"

Kate nodded.

"Well, hey, now, I think we could do that."

The lasagna was cold long before Gary even remembered it was there.


	8. Chapter 8

_"I do not know, that know I am afraid   
of the hovering thing night brought me."_

\-- William Butler Yeats

 

 

"Kate?" Gary stared, his brow wrinkled in confusion as a bedraggled Kate made her way across McGinty's crowded front room towards him. Outside, the preternaturally dark afternoon sky lit up once more, the resulting boom of thunder claiming the attention of every person in the room. The announcer's voice calling the game was the only sound in the brief pause before the hum of conversation rose again, the clinking of glasses and *clack* of pool balls against one another accompanying it. Gary spared the storm outside a glance, grateful for the relatively mild day offered to him by the paper. Last time it had rained like this, he'd wound up with a knock on the head and an adventure via the paper he still wasn't sure he believed. If not for Jesse Mayfield's watch... Returning to the present, Gary's frown matched Crumb's as Kate came to a stop in front of him.

Hands in her coat pocket, eyes wide, she barely nodded to Crumb before turning to Gary. Her wet hair hung in great dark ropes from beneath her beret. Disturbed at her pale face and swollen eyes, Gary didn't give her a chance to say anything. He handed his clipboard to Crumb, the bartender taking it belatedly. Taking her arm, Gary knew Crumb too had noticed just how wet Kate was. His concern grew as he guided Kate toward the office. It hadn't been raining that hard, had it? She was awfully wet for just walking in from her car. He steered her through the door and on into the office. Marissa's head came up as they entered, her hand half pulling the headphones from her ears as she paused the computer playback with the other.

"Gary?"

Kate caught Gary's eye long enough to shake her head pleadingly.

"It's just me, Marissa. We're, uh, I'm just passing through."

Marissa frowned, then nodded her head once and, slipping the headphones back into place, returned to her accounts. Gary shook his head as he and Kate made their way up the stairs. This living in a fishbowl was getting to be a bit much where Kate was concerned. Everyone knew her comings and goings - and lack thereof at times. The nights they had spent together in the last weeks since their engagement had been mostly at her apartment, for the privacy. The cat and the paper hadn't seemed to mind, and Gary was seriously considering just moving in over there once the wedding was over.

Kate hadn't said a word as he opened the door to his apartment and ushered her through in front of him, and she remained silent as Gary helped her off with her long coat. She shivered as he took the hat from her, at the same time he realized she was drenched all the way through.

"Kate? Did you walk in this downpour?"

Her lips blue with cold, Kate nodded apologetically. Her shivering was now more like shuddering, and Gary made a quick decision. Whatever had possessed her to walk in the downpour, she needed to get warm and quickly. He pulled her into the bathroom, turning the shower on and adjusting the temperature before turning to her.

"Get in there and get warm. I'll get you something to change into."

It only took a moment to find her a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, and then Gary took the wet things she left on the floor of the bathroom along with her coat and hat and headed downstairs for the dryer. He noticed the envelope in the inside pocket of her jacket just as he was stuffing it inside the dryer. It was a registered letter, the heavy envelope showing signs of the soaking that the rest of Kate's attire had received. The address caught his attention as he carefully pulled it out, and his stomach dropped. So that was what had upset her. Swearing to himself, he stuffed the coat into the dryer. Resisting the urge to see for himself what the letter contained, he headed for the bar on his way back up to his loft.

"Hey, Crumb." The older man looked up as Gary paused at the end of the bar.

"You wanna give me that pot of coffee - the decaf?" Kate was always complaining that too much caffeine kept her up at night.

Crumb complied, setting the pot on the bar in front of Gary, then leaned on the counter with both hands as he stared at Gary. His expression serious, the bartender didn't have to ask.

Gary hesitated, then shook his head. With a sideways glance at the too-curious waitress nearby, he spoke quietly as in answer to Crumb's unspoken question.

"She walked from her apartment. I stuck her in the shower to warm her up. "

Crumb snorted, then gave him a look, and Gary felt the heat rising up his cheeks. What did the guy think, that Gary couldn't control himself around Kate, that he couldn't see she was obviously upset and needed more than a horny boyfriend right now? The bartender had received the news of his and Kate's engagement with a great deal more enthusiasm than Chuck or Marissa. But Gary's rather too obvious habit lately of spending the night at Kate's had led to Crumb dropping comments about making a phone call - Kate's dad or Gary's mom, the man said he hadn't decided for sure yet. The moved up wedding date had pleased him, and he'd said he might not have to make that call after all. However, Gary wasn't totally convinced Crumb still wouldn't do it.

Totally flustered now, Gary grabbed the coffee pot; the rag materializing almost instantly in Crumb's hand to wipe up the coffee that sloshed over the rim onto the bar. He turned to go, Crumb's voice stopping him halfway.

"Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Stunned, Gary turned back to Crumb, his eyes wide as they searched the detective's for a moment. Had Kate told him about Trevor? After a minute Gary realized she probably hadn't said anything, it was just Crumb being the protective father-figure he had appointed himself in Kate's life. The man was fairly observant; he'd been a detective after all. Gary nodded, then headed for the loft, hands full with the letter and coffee pot.

Twenty minutes later Kate was curled up in her borrowed sweats on the couch next to him. Much drier and warmer now, she sipped her black coffee as Gary struggled to understand the reason for the letter he held in his hand. Giving up for the moment, he threw it down on the coffee table, sitting back and running his fingers through his short hair before gesturing angrily at the still damp missive.

"I still don't see why he can't just mail you the papers to sign."

With a resigned sigh, Kate shook her head.

"I don't know, Gary." She shrugged, taking another drink from her coffee cup. "Trevor's a control freak. It's not gonna be thrilling to him that his dad left me half this property. He's been drooling over developing it ever since I've known him. That he might have to share the dividends with me, that's got to be galling. This is probably his way of trying to get back at me for having the audacity to be in his father's will."

Gary studied the paper in front him in silence. He didn't know how to tell Kate that's what worried him, that Trevor might be angry, that he might want to get back at her, unleash his anger on the woman next to him. Kate would never be mistaken for frail, but still, when Gary thought about the few details she'd given him since her startling revelation last month on the bridge... Damn, why did the man have to show up again? Kate shouldn't have to deal with him at all, not anymore. He suddenly realized Kate was talking.

"...never thought it would bother me so much. I mean, I thought I was over the guy, over the..." Still curled defensively on the couch, Kate rubbed her fingers across the smooth ceramic cup as she stared at it. Her voice trailed away, and she looked up and away, out the window. Gary shifted closer to her, his arm going around her shoulders. Tears were welling up in her eyes again, and she shook them away angrily. "But when I saw that letter, saw his handwriting, his name, it was like I'd never left, like he was right there, waiting to come in the door... I, I panicked. All I could think about was I didn't want to be alone with him, not again, not after--"

Her words choked on the sobs Gary could feel shaking the body next to him. He set her coffee on the table and gathered her into his arms, holding her until the sobs went away, fighting his own growing anger at the man who did this to the woman he loved, who had tormented her and beaten her and made her so afraid. She wasn't supposed to be afraid like this, she was supposed to be tall and confident and pretty, like that first night she'd come into McGinty's, and back into his life. She was loving, passionate, courageous...and terrified right now of her ex-husband. He was still untangling his thoughts and feelings when Kate pushed away from him, grabbing for a tissue from the box on the end table.

"I don't know which aggravates me more: That he chooses now to show up, or that he still has this much of a hold on me. I mean, I thought I was over being afraid of him, that I didn't have to live under his shadow anymore." Blowing her nose, she leaned stiffly away from him. "I'm sorry, Gary, I know you didn't want to--"

"Don't say that. You don't have anything to be sorry for. The only one that's gonna be sorry is Trevor if I--"

"Gary!" Kate sat up straight now, turning toward him. "You can't! I don't want you to get in trouble for anything. I don't want anyone to know..."

"Why? Because you don't want him to look bad, or you don't want them to think you were stupid to stay with him for as long as you did?"

Kate flinched, and Gary swore at himself. Dammit, Hobson, don't take your anger out on her! You're no better than Trevor if you do that. Blows don't have to be physical. Pushing away the voice that whispered there was a big difference between hitting a woman and just being angry at her, Gary reached for Kate, stroking her arms lightly from shoulder to elbow.

"I, I, I'm sorry, honey. I, I, I -- when I think about you blaming yourself for what he chose to do..." He held her now, until she looked at him. "It wasn't your fault. He's the one who chose to, to, to..." Dammit Hobson, say it! If you can't, how do you expect her to believe you? "To hit you. You didn't do anything to deserve that, and you weren't stupid to stay with him." From somewhere the words came to him, and he knew they were right, even as he spoke them. "You understood love in a way he never will. You loved him enough to put up with that for a while in the hopes he'd change. But, you also loved yourself enough to leave when he didn't change."

Kate looked away, chewing on one lip. Gary waited while she thought that through, his relief undeniable when she turned back to him finally with a slight smile - she wasn't conceding his point, but she wasn't arguing against it either.

"Okay, lover boy, then what are we gonna do about this?" She pushed at the letter before them with one toe.

Gary's smile was large in return.

"Well, for starters, there's no way you're going to meet him anywhere alone. And for two, you're staying here with me for the next few days, until we're sure he's come and gone."

If he just didn't have to face Crumb...

"Gary, I'm a big girl! I can handle this. It's not like we're going to be somewhere alone or anything. We'll be right downstairs, where the world can see. Just because you won't be sitting at the table with us doesn't mean I won't be safe. Trevor's not a complete animal, you know."

Hands on her hips, Kate tossed her head defiantly where she stood beside his pin ball machine - now covered with stacks of her students' papers to be graded. Her eyes practically snapped at him across the room, their color intensified by the soft shimmering blue of her dress. His own hands on his hips, Gary glared right back at her, their argument no closer to resolution now than it was the first time they'd had it two days ago. Kate had agreed easily enough when Gary suggested Trevor meet her here at McGinty's. That had been the last thing they'd agreed on, at least where Trevor's visit was concerned. Now time was running out.

"Not from what you've told me about him. Sure sounded like he was an animal to me. You trying to tell me life with him wasn't as bad as you've said?" He regretted the words as quickly as he yelled them. Kate's face fell, and she stared at him incredulously for a moment. Gary shook his head. Dammit, Hobson!

"Kate... " Stepping towards her, Gary extended one hand apologetically, but she turned her back on him, reaching out to grasp the pinball machine with both hands, arms stiff and shoulders hunched. Running one hand through his hair, Gary swung around to stare out the window, trying to think of some way to salvage this situation. Dammit, he just didn't like the idea of Kate being alone with this guy - trouble was, their definitions of alone were somewhat irreconcilable at this point. She seemed to think he was being overprotective; he didn't seem to be able to get through to her that he wasn't trying to treat her like she was helpless, he was just worried about the man. His original unease about Trevor suddenly reappearing had only grown in the last few days.

"Hon, I'm sor--" Gary walked across the room and put one hand on her shoulder, the other reaching to stroke her unbound hair. Kate shrugged his hands off, then swirled around to face him, eyes shining now with unshed tears.

"I am not a baby, and I didn't lie about anything, and I don't need you right there to hold my hand. For god's sake Gary, it's just some stupid paperwork. All I have to do is sign it, and we'll be done; he'll be gone, out of our lives forever." Kate crossed her arms and stood up straight, her jaw firm. "And, if you don't back off, Trevor and I can always go somewhere else to talk. After he gets here."

Gary's own jaw dropped. He gestured with one hand, helplessly, knowing Kate was winning and not knowing how he could stop it.

"You, you, you wouldn't." But he knew she would. Damn, the woman still didn't seem to be able to think straight where her ex-husband was concerned. And all this just because Gary wanted to be with her when she talked to Trevor. Kate leaned toward him now, taking his hand in hers.

"Gary, I have to do this by myself. I hate myself for being so afraid of him, and he'll always have this power over me if I can't face him, can't overcome it on my own." Her voice was low, intense, but she didn't have to convince Gary how much this meant to her. He was the one who seemed unable to articulate his own fears about the situation. Kate hesitated, then went on. "I know why you want to be there, I understand, believe me, I do, but can't you see that you're just making it harder on me? Please, let me do this, for me, and for us. I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder afraid Trevor Howard is going to jump out and go 'Boo!' I want to be free to enjoy the rest of my life with you. I have to face him by myself, overcome my fear on my own. You can't save me from this, Gary Hobson. I have to save myself this time."

Her smile was tender, apologetic as she brushed his hair back with her free hand, but Gary could still feel the steel beneath her touch. She wasn't giving in, not at all. He had never felt quite so frustrated and helpless in his life. Well, maybe he had once or twice before, but dammit... The cat meowed at his feet and Gary stared at it a moment, before meeting Kate's gaze again. Trouble was, he couldn't tell if the darn animal was confirming his own gut feelings about the man, or telling him to let Kate have her way. The knock on the door decided the issue for them.

"Yeah?" Gary called, his eyes never leaving Kate's.

The door opened, and Chuck stepped in. He stopped with one hand on the doorknob, his smile fading as he glanced questioningly back and forth between the two of them for a moment before he spoke.

"Um, there's some guy downstairs asking for Kate."

Kate dropped Gary's hand.

"I'll be right there." Brushing a kiss across Gary's cheek, she headed for the bathroom. Gary stood where she'd left him, still trying to figure out how and where he had so completely lost control of this situation. The cat meowed again, rubbing around his ankles.

"Gar?" Chuck's voice cut across his reverie. Startled, Gary glanced up at his friend, still standing in the door, now frowning concernedly at him. "Is everything all right?"

No. No it wasn't, but Gary didn't know exactly why he thought that. It wasn't like he had the paper right there, telling him something was wrong. This one was all his, and only his it appeared. Maybe Kate was right, maybe he was being overprotective of her. Dammit, though, it was about time someone was. Realizing Chuck was still waiting for his answer, Gary shrugged slightly, bending down to pick up the cat. How could he explain this without making one more person he cared about more upset than they already were with him?

He hadn't exactly been on the best of terms with Chuck and Marissa in the last two weeks, not since their less than enthusiastic response to his and Kate's engagement. With Kate taking up residence in the loft the last few days, Gary was beginning to wonder if things would ever be back to normal between him and his friends. Topping it all off, Crumb had started giving him "the look" when Kate moved in. Every time Gary saw the man on the phone he got nervous. Trouble was, Kate didn't want him telling anyone about Trevor. Gary still couldn't believe she'd never confessed the real reason she left Trevor to her own family. Her pleading left him unable to explain the reason for her presence to his friends, and Gary was forced to let them think what they wanted to about the situation. It was obviously the worst.

"Yeah." He nodded at Chuck briefly. "It's Kate's ex. He has some paperwork he needs her to sign, some property or something that got left to them both in a will."

Chuck made a small "oh" with his mouth, nodding sagely.

"Okay, well, I'll tell him that you, uh, she'll be right down."

Chuck hesitated, his concern obviously not completely assuaged, but it wasn't like Gary didn't already have a reputation as the jealous type. He hoped Chuck would just chalk whatever he thought he'd seen up to that.

Stroking the cat absently, he nodded at Chuck again, then settled on the couch with a sigh to wait for Kate.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While not graphic, this chapter may be potentially triggering for domestic violence issues.

_"I had thought that all my days were cast _

_Amid most lovely places..."_

\---William Butler Yeats

 

 

Damn, the man was big. Gary found Trevor easily enough as he held the office door open for Kate, though he'd never actually been introduced to him. Seems like they might have had a class together, or been at the same party a time or two, but the crowds they'd run with in college had never really crossed paths. Now the only thing they had in common was the woman standing beside Gary. What position had she said he played? Linebacker?

Untouched drink in front of Trevor where he stood at the bar, Kate's ex-husband must have stood at least six inches over six feet in his stocking feet. An expensive suitcoat emphasized the breadth of his shoulders, and he managed to look both dashing and well-dressed at the same time. Chino slacks and a matching dark blue shirt brought out the blue in his eyes, and his short auburn hair framed a face Michelangelo would have begged to sculpt. Even a guy could tell this guy was handsome. Gary swallowed. No wonder Kate had fallen for him.

Grabbing his hand, Kate headed out into the bar, and as he followed her Gary decided he wasn't being entirely fair. He'd gone for Marcia in part because of her looks too, when if he'd really been thinking straight he'd have latched on to Kate in the first place. Saved them both a lot of grief if he had... he quickly pushed that fruitless conjecture away. Save that for some night when he couldn't sleep and needed something to worry about. He had enough to worry him right here. Trevor was waiting for them now, reclining easily against the bar on one elbow as Kate and Gary made their way to him. They passed Chuck talking in low tones to Crumb and Marissa. Gary grimaced as he caught Crumb's appraising glance. Now everyone would think he was having a jealous fit over Kate's ex. Oh well, he didn't really care right now what they thought. He just knew he wasn't going to let anything happen to Kate, not while he was around to prevent it. He hadn't missed the fact that she moved a bit closer to him when she first saw her ex-husband, though she stepped away and stood tall as they stopped next to him.

_Good girl._ Much as he didn't want to let her do this alone, there was no reason for her to give the bastard any satisfaction. Kate was making the introductions, and Trevor held out his hand. Gary looked at it, and then back up at the man in front of him. He didn't miss the flashing anger in those blue eyes at his rudeness, but he also didn't miss Kate's squeezing his hand, and when he glanced at her, her amusement at his response was unmistakable. Good. She wasn't going to push him to be nice to the creep. Not that Gary would have given in on that score. He'd been accused of being rude before, and he'd lived.

"So, you two set a date yet?" Trevor's cool amusement met Gary's hostility head on, but Gary wasn't about to let the guy get his goat.

"I don't see that it's any of your business."

Kate cut in.

"You had something for me to sign?" Her tone was casual, but she hadn't yet let go of Gary's hand.

Trevor reached into his suitcoat and pulled out a sheaf of papers, plopping them out on the bar in front of him before reaching back into the same pocket and producing a sleek silver pen. He twisted the instrument, holding it out to Kate once the ball point was revealed.

"Right here, missy. All ready for your John Hancock. Or, Jane Hancock, in this case."

Gary bristled at Trevor's patronizing tone, but Kate forestalled any response on his part by releasing his hand and reaching for the papers - not the pen. With a stern glance at Gary, she glanced through them briefly before catching Trevor's eye and nodding toward the most secluded table in the room, at the end of the bar below the raised pool tables.

"We can sit over there while I look through these." She stepped away, missing the flash of irritation that crossed Trevor's features briefly. Gary didn't, though, and he didn't move as Trevor gathered up his drink, forcing the larger man to step around him as he got up to follow Kate to the table she had indicated. The cat appeared, crawling around Gary's feet and meowing piteously. Gary looked at it undecidedly for a moment, then the cat jumped up on the stool and pawed at the paper he'd unconsciously brought with him. Shocked, Gary stared at the feline, then shook his head.

"No way. I don't care what's going on, I'm not leaving right now. You got that? I got more important things on my mind right now than you and your tabloid ways."

He scooped the cat up and dropped it firmly on the floor. Tucking the paper into his back jeans pocket, he straddled the seat that Trevor had just vacated. Elbows on the bar, he surreptitiously watched the proceedings fifteen feet away at Kate's table. So far, things looked okay. Trevor appeared to be explaining the paperwork to her, Kate nodding now and then in response as he flipped through the pages. Crumb appeared in front of Gary, wiping imaginary spills off the bar.

"Can I get you something, Hobson?"

Reluctantly, Gary turned his attention to the older man.

"Yeah, gimme a beer." He didn't wait for Crumb's response, half turning in his seat for a better view of Kate. Looking up, she caught his eye, and smiled. Gary smiled back, reassured. Maybe she had been right, maybe things were going to be fine. Trevor looked up at Kate, following her gaze over to Gary. The smile he sent was slick and Gary's unease returned full force as he glowered back at him. The guy had to have something up his sleeve, he *had* to.

"Here ya go." Gary jumped as the bottle thumped on the bar in front of him, and he glanced at Crumb briefly.

"Thanks."

Turning back to his immediate concern, Gary tensed. His voice rising, Trevor seemed to be upset about something. Kate flinched as he grabbed the papers from her. She recovered quickly though, as he rapidly thumbed through them, opening them finally to one page and slapping them down on the table in front of her. Kate shook her head, obviously resisting whatever Trevor's wishes were concerning the paperwork between them. With a wary glance toward Gary, Howard lowered his voice and proceeded to find another page, pointing at it as he spoke. Nodding, Kate seemed satisfied, picking up the papers and slowly reading through them.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Gary realized Crumb had seen the entire exchange. The old cop hadn't moved, standing there with both hands braced on the bar in front of him. Looking deliberately over toward Kate and Trevor, then back at Gary, Crumb leaned toward him.

"Everything kosher, Hobson?" There was a world of meaning in his quiet words, and Gary was suddenly grateful for the man's instincts and his protective feelings toward Kate. Gary took a long look at Kate and Trevor, evidently debating another point in the papers, but Trevor was behaving himself now. He turned back to Crumb, not bothering to hide his worry.

"Relatively." Gary glanced back at his fiancé, then catching Crumb's eye again, added, "For now." Crumb gave him a long look before nodding once and moving on down the bar toward Kate and Trevor. Gary breathed a sigh of relief. The old cop understood, at least somewhat. Kate didn't want Gary nearby, but she hadn't said anything about Crumb. Still, Gary would keep an eye things himself. He took a sip of his beer, shoving the cat away with one foot as it reappeared at his ankles. Marissa appeared next.

Settling on a stool near him, she accepted a drink from the bartender, then turned to Gary.

"Gary? Is everything all right?"

Damn! What did they think, he needed a babysitter tonight? Trevor was the one they should be watching. But, they didn't know that, thanks to Kate's thin skin. Taking another drink of his beer, Gary started to answer Marissa, but his response died as the events at Kate's table suddenly caught his attention.

Kate was pushing the papers back at Trevor, shaking her head. Gary couldn't hear what she was saying, but whatever it was, it wasn't what the man with her wanted to hear, that was certain. Trevor tensed, then, with a look at Gary, suddenly relaxed, smiling coolly at the other man before reaching with one hand for Kate's arm. It looked like he was just touching her affectionately, as a husband might, but Gary didn't miss the way Kate suddenly froze, her jaw clenching. Fury burned through him as he realized she was trying to pull her arm away from Trevor's caress, but couldn't. She winced suddenly, grabbing at Trevor's hand with her other hand, and Gary was on his way over to their table, Marissa's urgent call unheeded, ignoring Crumb, ignoring everything except the tableau in front of him. Trevor smiled that oily smile at Gary, and as he released Kate's arm she cradled it to her chest momentarily before looking up at Gary. She opened her mouth to speak, but Gary didn't give her a chance.

He didn't give Trevor a chance either. Every eye in McGinty's was on them the second after he grabbed the larger man, yanking him half out of his seat, the chair tumbling away behind Trevor as he struggled to keep his balance. Gary's fist went back - only to find he couldn't follow through on the punch. Crumb's voice behind him was loud in the sudden silence, as Kate grabbed at the arm holding Trevor.

"Scumbag ain't worth it, Hobson. Don't give him the satisfaction."

"Gary! Please!"

Gary strained against Crumb, but there was no give in the old man's grip. Trevor had found his feet, and stood there, his gaze mocking Gary. Kate tugged on his arm, again. Gary looked at her, surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"Gary, please! Don't. He wants you to hit him, don't you see? He wants this to happen. Please!"

Gary stared at her, then back at Trevor. Every instinct in him was screaming to deck the guy, and deck him good, but he knew Crumb wouldn't let him. Marissa pushed her way through the crowd as Chuck appeared at his side. Gary realized his friends were just looking out for him; he knew that Kate was probably right in her assessment, but he really wished they hadn't been watching him quite so closely. What he wouldn't give for one punch at the guy... Staring angrily into the other man's face, Gary slowly released his grip on Trevor's jacket. Crumb waited a moment before releasing Gary's arm, and Trevor made a great show of straightening out his jacket, brushing the lapel where Gary had gripped him.

Kate released his other arm and stood next to him, rubbing the wrist Trevor had handled. Gary grabbed the papers and Trevor's pen up from the table and shoved them at the man. He pointed at the door.

"Get out. Now," he growled at Trevor. "And don't come back. Ever. You come near her again, and I'll--"

"Hobson." Crumb's voice cut across his threat. Gary shook off the old cop's interruption. Geez, he had to have seen what Trevor did to Kate, why wouldn't they all just butt out?

Perfect jaw thrust forward belligerently, Trevor took the papers, his gaze coldly furious.

"What about these? She has to sign them by tomorrow or we lose the sale."

"Well, then, I guess you just lost it. You send them registered mail, we'll have a lawyer look them over and send them back to you."

Trevor bristled, and his voice carried to every corner of the bar.

"We? You don't have anything to say about any of this. You're not married to her and just because you're screwing my ex-wife doesn't--"

Crumb grabbed Gary as he lunged for Trevor again, and now Chuck was between them too.

"You'd better leave now." Short as he was, Chuck could be authoritative he wanted to. Trevor looked haughtily from the shorter man to Gary and then to Crumb. Pocketing his papers, he turned to Kate, who stared white-faced at the scene playing out in front of her.

"I'll be in touch." He glared at Gary. "Next time let's try this without the pet gorilla, though, okay?"

Kate didn't say anything, and with a last glance around the room, Trevor left. The door had closed behind him before Crumb released Gary. Shifting his shoulders to settle his shirt, he reached for Kate's arm. If that guy had hurt her permanently... he looked up, shocked, as she pulled it away from him.

"Kate?"

"I told you to let me handle this! I didn't need you to make a scene!" she hissed at him.

"I, I , I was--what'd you expect me to do, sit here and let him hurt you again?"

Gary's words fell into the still silent room, followed by Marissa's startled gasp, and Kate's eyes grew huge. Without saying a word, she turned and ran through the crowd of onlookers, the slam of the office door behind her seeming to signal to the crowd to get back to their own business. Hands clenched at his side, Gary closed his eyes briefly before following Kate, ignoring Chuck's incredulous stare and Marissa's hand reaching for his arm. If he could just ignore the rising hum of speculation from the patrons in his bar... As he reached for the office door, Kate came barreling through it, purse clutched in one hand.

"Where, where are you going?"

Kate glared at him.

"Home."

"Well, well, at least let me walk you."

"No, thank you, I've had quite enough help from you for one night."

Kate brushed past him before he could reply. Gary turned to follow her, to argue with her, but Crumb was quicker. Moving faster than Gary would have thought he could, the retired detective arrived at the front door at the same moment Kate did.

"It's awfully dark out there. Give an old man some peace of mind and let me walk you home." Kate stared at him for a moment, then with a short nod she headed out the door in front of the retired detective. Catching Gary's eye as he followed her out, Crumb nodded once.

Curiosity thick in the air about him, and Gary glared at the one or two patrons that he caught staring at him. Chuck appeared once more, but as he opened his mouth Gary turned on him.

"Just stow it, Chuck. Just keep your mouth shut for once." Ignoring the incredulous hurt in his friend's face, Gary swung away and ineffectively shrugging - as if he could shrug the events of the last twenty minutes off that easily , he headed for the office door.

Gary's pacing was just settling in to a rhythm when Marissa's knock disrupted it. One lamp barely lit the fourteen steps it took him to get from the pinball machine to the treadmil and back again. Kate and Crumb were probably three blocks away by now, waiting for the light to change at LaSalle and Ontario. That light was always red, whether he was coming or going from Kate's. Gary knew it was Marissa at the door before he turned around, knew she was the one who would follow him up to the loft first. Chuck probably wasn't far behind, once he got over his huff about Gary telling him to shut up before he came upstairs.

Shoulders heaving in one long sigh, Gary headed for the door. Marissa's form wavered in the mottled glass window as he approached, and he reflected that he really should get a new door for the loft - one without a see through window. Especially with Kate staying here...but, Kate wasn't staying here, anymore, was she? Gary pushed back the wave of misery that came with that realization, concentrating instead on Marissa, standing warily outside his door waiting to be invited in. More relationships he'd screwed up.

"May I come in?" Marissa took refuge in formality, as she often did.

"Yeah."

Gary frowned at the door as she entered, then with a shrug left it open. Chuck would be along soon enough. Marissa settled on the sofa and Gary resumed his pacing. For the next few minutes, his rapid steps - to the treadmill, turn and back to the pinball machine, turn and repeat - were the only sound in the loft. Then finally, he went beyond the machine, to the window, staring out from the half-dark loft at the street lights beyond him. Leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, he rested his head against the warm brick. Crumb should be about to Kate's apartment, if she walked as fast as she normally did. Which meant another couple of minutes waiting for the elevator to come down from the upper floors.

"Gary?"

"Yeah?" He didn't turn away from the window, didn't look at his friend. Okay, they were in the elevator, now, Kate probably looking for her keys.

"Gary, she will forgive you. She loves you, and she'll be okay about it. You have to know that." Marissa spoke quietly, confidently.

Gary pivoted to face Marissa, taking a few steps toward her.

"'Y-y-y--you don't understand. She practically begged me not to tell anyone, and not only do I break my word to her, I go back on it in front of a whole bar full of people!" He waved sharply at the open door as he spoke, his voice echoing through the loft.

Marissa shifted, leaning forward as she turned toward the sound of Gary's voice.

"Strangers, Gary, they were strangers," she insisted. "Sure, it's tonight's sensation, but it will be tomorrow's old news, and in a week they won't even remember it. Besides, I think there were extenuating circumstances."

"You're not a stranger. And neither is Chuck and neither is Crumb. And, what extenuating circumstances?"

Marissa's face said "Duh!" better than anyone's.

"Gary, Trevor was here. How long has it been since Kate told you about him?"

Gary flopped into the chair beside the couch, running one hand through his hair as he tried to remember. Just how long had it been since that night on the bridge? Since that night - no, since that one night Kate first turned up at McGinty's, what was it, three, four months ago? - his life had suddenly gotten much fuller, much richer - and much more complicated, if tonight's events were any indication.

"Two weeks, I guess. She told me the same night I proposed." Gary closed his eyes now, fighting the memory of the fear he'd seen in Kate's eyes that night, fear that Trevor had left in his wake. Though getting rarer, it still showed up now and then, and not just when they were intimate. Sometimes if Gary moved too fast, or got too rough in his play, the fear would be there in Kate's huge eyes, and his heart would break all over again for what had been done to his bride. Since Trevor's letter had arrived three days ago Gary hadn't been able to touch Kate without her jumping or flinching. Marissa's hand on his arm brought him back to the present.

"So, you're still grieving over it and processing it. It takes a while, Gary, and when the man himself shows up...." Marissa's voice trailed off meaningfully, and she let go of his arm, wrapping her long fingers around her cane instead. "Gary, Kate loves you. She _will_ understand. She's just dealing with her own fears now too, and it makes it hard to think straight. I'm betting she hadn't seen Trevor in a while either."

Gary shook his head.

"No, she hadn't, not since the last time he--" He broke off, guiltily.

Marissa's eyebrows went up, but before she could respond another voice broke in.

"So it's true, then, what you said? About Trevor hurting Kate?" Chuck stood in the doorway, his dark shirt blending with the unlit stairwell behind him. Paper in one hand, the other in his pocket, he looked uncomfortably serious, waiting to be invited in as well.

Gary waved him into the loft without getting up from his chair.

"Mind if I shed some light on the subject?" Chuck asked. Gary shrugged and Chuck hit the light switch beside the door, illuminating the loft before he settled on the arm of the couch opposite from Gary. The paper he tossed landed on the coffee table between them. Gary slouched further down in his seat as he stared morosely back and forth from his friends to the tabloid.

"Yeah, it's true. I've seen enough just when we've..." Gary stopped, blushing, then looked up at Chuck and Marissa, tired of trying to hide this sorrow from them. "You haven't seen her flinch when I touch her, or sometimes, in, in, anyway, I startle her, and she just shuts down. It's better now, than it was, or at least it was until Trevor's letter came. I thought I would be enough to help her get over it completely. But now, she doesn't want me--"

"Gary, it's not like your relationship is over. You've disagreed before, haven't you?" Sensing his nod, Marissa continued, sitting back against the couch and shrugging. "It's part of every relationship. You fight, you disagree, you make up. It helps a relationship grow, be stronger. And, I think this is a relationship that's going to last, for both of you."

Now Gary's eyebrows went up as he stared at his friend.

"You, you really think that? That, that it will last?" He couldn't keep the hope out of his voice.

Marissa nodded.

"Gary, I'll be honest: When you first told me about you and Kate getting married, it seemed awful fast, awful sudden. Chuck was convinced you asked her to marry you just because you were sleeping together and you couldn't take the guilt."

Still perched on the arm of the couch, Chuck had the grace to look abashed as Gary stared at him wide-eyed

"You gotta admit, it all moved pretty darned fast, buddy." Chuck's blue eyes were serious as he met Gary's gaze. "I mean, you've been so paranoid about telling anyone about the paper, even your own parents found out by default. And then in waltzes Kate and next thing we know, not only are you telling her about the paper, but you're marrying her and making her part of it all."

Gary's eyes narrowed. There was more here than Chuck or Marissa was saying. He sat up straight, some things finally making sense to him.

"And you two, you two'd been part of it since the beginning and you thought, you thought I was replacing you." He wagged a finger back and forth at the two of them as he spoke.

Chuck looked at Marissa, obviously deferring an answer to her whether she could see him or not. The lady in question shrugged and toyed with her cane for a moment before opening her mouth.

"Well, Gary, you can't deny Kate is a lot closer to you right now than we are."

"Kate's my wife. Well, she's gonna be, anyway. That's, that's, that's different. You're my friends, my best friends, and you've been in on the paper from the beginning. Kate's not interested in the paper, beyond it being what I do, and she never wanted to replace you, she's never tried. She likes you both."

"Gary, she didn't have to try. It's the nature of your relationship that she would replace us, at least somewhat. Anyway, what it really means is that we just have to adjust to things being a bit different around here." Marissa smiled. "I could use some help when the testosterone gets thick sometimes, anyway."

Neither of the men with her cracked a smile, but they all felt the atmosphere lighten. Marissa waited a moment, then took a deep breath.

"Hobson?" They all turned towards the doorway. Crumb stood there, leaning on the door jamb. Gary jumped up. Crumb's hand went out in a calming gesture.

"Just wanted to let you know, Kate's home, safe and sound. I checked out her apartment, no bogey men, and I made sure she locked the door behind me." Gary nodded miserably, not sure what he had hoped the detective would say. That Kate wanted him to come over? That she needed him? As if sensing his distress, the detective added, "She said she'd call you tomorrow, when she got home from school." At Gary's crestfallen expression, the detective smiled. "Don't worry, I put in a good word for youse. She'll be fine. Just give her a day to get over her mad. You'll see."

With a slap to the door jamb and a nod to Gary, Crumb turned to go.

"Crumb?"

The detective stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Thanks." Gary tried to say more than just the word, tried to say how much he appreciated Crumb not letting Kate go home alone tonight, not with Trevor out there somewhere, not with the bad feeling he'd had in his gut the last few days. Crumb nodded again.

"You ain't the only one with a crystal ball, kid. His kind, you don't need one. I had him pegged as a louse when he walked in. Now, the exact nature of his lousiness, that took a minute. But the second I saw Kate with him, I knew. It was obvious." His rough face softened. "She'll be all right, Hobson. She's learned her lesson, and she'll get over him. At least she picked better her second time around."

And with that backhanded compliment, the bartender went down the stairs.

Gary shifted uncomfortably, staring at the empty doorway. Evenings with Kate were his routine now. What did he used to do before her? Gary turned back to his friends as Chuck stood and helped Marissa to her feet, saying something about them being needed as well downstairs,.

"Guys..." Gary waited while they both turned to him. "Thanks."

Marissa just nodded and made her way out the door.

Chuck, being Chuck, had more to say than that.

"Well, hey, Gary, Kate's your choice. And, I have to say, despite my original fears, she's a good choice. Ya done good buddy, and it's gonna be okay. You'll see."

Gary nodded, and Chuck pulled the door closed behind him. Running his hands through his hair, Gary turned about him. His friends were probably right, but it didn't help his misery tonight. He wanted to be with Kate, to hold her against the fear that he knew Trevor brought out in her, and he wanted to apologize for being the fool that he'd been shooting off his mouth tonight. But, he wasn't going to apologize for going after Trevor. Not after what that creep had done, and looking right at Gary...he shivered, suddenly, remembering the cold challenge in those blue eyes as Trevor reached for Kate's arm. Kate had been right, Trevor had been _trying_ to provoke Gary into going after him. Heart pounding suddenly, Gary found himself more worried than ever about just what the man was doing, reappearing in Kate's life like this, at this time.

The cat meowed at his feet, and he glared at it.

"You wouldn't have any help for me now, would you? Something like a little article in that paper that comes with you, anything to tell me what the son of a bitch is really up to?" The cat just blinked at him before settling down on the couch and lifting a paw to clean.

Gary shook his head, looking about him for the paper. Well, it wouldn't hurt to look through today's paper once more, just in case.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may potentially be triggering for domestic violence issues.

_"Turn if you may from battles never done..."_

\---William Butler Yeats

 

"Afternoon, Gary."

Gary looked up from his perusal of the paper as Marissa slid into the chair next to him. How she always knew who was around never ceased to baffle him. She'd told him once it was the scent of fresh gabardine that gave him away. Now he didn't know what it was, but she was still sharper than most sighted people at discerning who was around her. Dressed in a velvet magenta t-shirt and black slacks, braids pulled back into a bunch at the nape of her neck, Marissa was her usual casually elegant self. With one arm she held her omnipresent braille volume close to her chest; the other hand held a small, wrapped package. Her face wore the pleased expression that Gary associated with Marissa at her most self-satisfied.

The afternoon sun was bright, and the bar quiet. A couple of patrons played a slow game of pool, and Robin checked inventory beneath the front bar, but the rest of the room was empty except for the table Gary and Marissa shared. Looking over the newspaper at her and the package, Gary shifted his booted feet under the table. What was she up to?

"Whose birthday?"

Marissa smiled.

"Oh, this is just something I had Chuck pick up for me earlier today. Something I should have done sooner - much sooner than today." She held the package out in his general direction. "Congratulations, Gary."

Gary did a double take, his eyes moving from the rectangular gift back to Marissa a couple of times before he could bring himself to reach for it. It was a book, he knew that immediately. A small book, probably hardbound. What kind of a book would Marissa buy him? Now, if it was Chuck, well, he'd be worried he'd wind up with a copy of the Karma Sutra, but Marissa wouldn't do that. He held the book for a moment, then put it down to fold the paper and set it aside.

"You, you, you didn't, you didn't have to do that."

Marissa shook her head.

"No, Gary, I should have done this a long time ago. Two weeks ago, when you first told us about you and Kate."

Gary couldn't think of any response to that, so he picked up the book and began carefully removing the wrapping. Marissa waited, chin in one hand.

"A Poet to His Beloved: The Early Love Poetry of William Butler Yeats?" Gary frowned. Yeats? Wasn't that who Kate was always quoting. "Um, thanks. Thanks, Marissa."

Marissa smiled, hearing the hesitation in his gratitude.

"Kate and I had a long talk about Yeats one night when she was waiting here. You were busy with the paper. She really likes him, has a lot of his stuff memorized. And you know, there aren't many girls who can resist a guy who can quote a bit of poetry at the right time. Not that you need that much help with Kate, but it can't hurt to be prepared. Besides, it'll give you something to read to her on your wedding night."

Gary's head shot up, but Marissa was smiling at him. He blushed, then frowned at her, useless as that was. Everyone around here seemed to be entirely too comfortable discussing his and Kate's... relationship. Oh well, at least it wasn't Chuck. He could almost be grateful to Trevor last night for giving Chuck something else to think about when it came to Gary and Kate. Gary turned to back of slim volume, looking for the index. Maybe he could find the poem Kate had quoted on the bridge that first night they'd spent together.

"Did you hear from Kate today?" Marissa tried to be nonchalant, but when Gary glanced up from his perusal of the index something about her tone and the too casual look on her face belied her easy words. She was too attentive, too focused on his answer.

Gary studied his friend for a moment before answering.

"Yeah."

Marissa waited for him to say more, chin still resting in one hand, the other restlessly ruffling the corners of her book's pages. Gary sighed, looking back down at the book in his hand as he answered.

"She called me between classes this morning." Suddenly, his eyes found a line he'd heard before, but not the one he was looking for.

Marissa's eyebrows went up inquiringly, all pretense of indifference forgotten.

"And?"

"We're fine. Everything's fine. I'm meeting her at her apartment this afternoon at four. She wants to get me a ring, so we're gonna go shopping."

The line from the book stared up at him: *I do not know, that know I am afraid, of the hovering thing night brought to me.* Kate had recited that one the night after Trevor's letter arrived. He quickly checked the page, and found the poem, only to have the hair on the back of his neck stand up. AN IMAGE FROM A PAST LIFE. All too appropriate for what had happened here last night.

Marissa nodded, then frowned a bit when he didn't offer any more information.

"And Trevor?"

Gary froze, only his eyes moving as he looked over at his friend. She sensed his unease, he could tell, as she shifted in her own seat. The hand her chin rested on came down to play as well with the pages of the book in front of her as she sat up a bit straighter. His own disquiet about the man had barely been under control all day. The last thing he needed to do now was alarm Marissa.

"W-w-w-what about Trevor?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Gary Hobson. You know I can't see that puppy dog face of yours, no matter how many people tell me you have it. That man is an abusive, violent person. He hurt Kate last night just to pick a fight with you. Is he still out there? Is she okay? Are you okay?" Marissa hesitated, then sat straight up, one hand reaching unerringly for his arm. "What's the paper say?"

"Nothing. There's nothing in the paper about Trevor. As far as I know, he went back to Minnesota today, like he was supposed to." Gary decided he really didn't need this conversation.

Marissa pursed her lips and thought for a moment, her hand heavy on his arm.

"You're sure he left? He seemed pretty upset last night. Did Kate tell you what was wrong with Trevor's papers? Why she didn't want to sign them?"

Gary sighed, staring at the book in his hand for a moment before answering. His gut feelings still insisted that they weren't done yet with Trevor. He'd wanted to escort Kate to school and everything else today, but she had insisted she'd be fine in broad daylight. She'd also drawn an uncomfortable parallel between his attitude towards her in this situation, and hers towards him with the paper. Kate trusted him to exercise judgement and caution while doing what he had to do, without trying to hinder him or protect him more than he wanted her to. She expected the same treatment from him. Every instinct still screaming that the two situations were not comparable, Gary had been forced to concede her point, especially since the paper showed no signs of accommodating his desire to be with Kate. Abruptly, he realized Marissa was still waiting for his answer.

"Um, she just said they didn't look right, she couldn't put her finger on it. The biggest thing was the way he was pressuring her to sign them, not wanting her to look them over, and not giving her any time to have them checked out on her end." Gary grinned, thinking of the solution he had come up with to that while talking with Kate today. "I called Marcia this morning. When Kate gets the papers, we'll take them to her to look over."

Marissa gasped, pulling her hand back before laughing out loud, shaking her head as she did so.

"Well, nothing like getting a little of your own back is there, Gary?" Her voice was dry, amused, but Gary knew she understood.

They sat after that in companionable silence, Gary thumbing through the poetry volume, and Marissa's fingers flowing over her braille. The paper was clear until tonight, and Kate would accuse him of being overprotective again if he followed his gut feeling and showed up at her apartment more than an hour before their date. The clack of pool balls and the clink of bottles as Robin stocked the front bar the only sounds besides the rustle of turning pages in the room. Crumb wasn't due in for a few minutes yet, and Chuck had left to run some errands. He hadn't been specific about where he was going, and Gary was suspicious that it was traffic court - again. Well, at least Chuck couldn't blame it on the paper this time.

Like fingernails squealing across a chalkboard, the yowling of a yellow tabby cat abruptly slashed across the peaceful ambience of the afternoon. The animal landed in one great leap half on the table and half on the book in Gary's hands. Marissa sat up straight again, instinctively pulling her own book back and holding it protectively up to her chest with both hands.

"Hey!" Gary snatched Marissa's gift away, holding it off to one side as he checked for tears in the page, glaring at the cat as he did so. Satisfied there were no rips in the new volume, he turned back to the cat, holding the book in one hand, finger marking his place. He reached for it, planning to take it and dump it outside the front door of McGinty's. The animal clawed his hand.

"Hey!" He frowned at the scratches on his hand, eyes widening in surprise as he noticed they hadn't drawn blood. Ears back and tail twitching, the cat crouched on the paper now, yellow eyes glaring balefully as it yowled at Gary. Gary's eyes widened, as his stomach dropped. This kind of a reaction usually meant something had gone wrong, terribly wro--*Kate!* His stomach clenching now, Gary *knew* it had to be Kate. His gut instinct had been right, he knew it had, and now Kate was paying the price for his ignoring it. He should never have listened to her, never have let her go alone to--

"Gary? What is it?" Voice trembling, Marissa knew the cat well enough to know what such behavior portended.

"I don't know."

Dropping the book he held abruptly on the table, Gary reached for the paper. The cat didn't object as he shoved it aside, frantically scanning the pages until--

Gary slammed his chair back. But as he stood, Marissa stood herself, dropping her book to grab his arm with one hand. Gary tried to pull his arm free, but she held firm.

"Gary! What is it?"

He hesitated, knowing what she would say, what she would want him to do. But, he'd never lied to her yet about the paper, and he wasn't going to start now.

"It's Trevor. He's at Kate's apartment." He spit the words out, quietly though, aware of the curious stares of the two pool players and Robin.

Marissa's eyes and mouth grew round.

"Oh my God, Gary, you've got to call 911, you've got to call Crumb at least you can't go over there by yours--" Marissa's voice rose. Hands shaking, she tried to grab Gary's other arm, missing as he twisted away. "You can't go by yourself," she reiterated, tightening her grip on the arm she still held. "He'll kill you both."

Gary's jaw dropped. How'd she...? Jerking away from Marissa, he turned back to catch her as she stumbled and fell. He made sure she was steady, but he also made sure she couldn't hold him back.

"Yeah, well, if I don't get there in time, there won't be a wedding. So if you'll excuse me..."

Gary ran for the kitchen, ignoring Marissa's frantic pleas for him to wait. If he took the van, he might make it in time.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The door was locked. Damn! Paper clenched in one fist, Gary pounded on Kate's door with both hands, his heart pounding in time to his frantic blows.

"Kate! Kate! Open the door! Kate!" That was stupid, he thought angrily. If Trevor was in there, no, not if, he thought, remembering the headline, he *was* in there, and Gary was out here and... he tried the door with his shoulder, but there was no give, none at all. Shit! He'd been grateful before for the sturdiness of the door, never stopping to think that it might not be Trevor it would keep out, but him. Gary froze, for a moment. He heard something from inside the apartment, someone crying out, maybe, and then nothing.

There was a creaking noise behind him. He spun around to find Mrs. D'Amato staring at him from behind her door, open only as far as the chain lock would allow. Wait a minute, didn't Kate say something about having had her neighbor water the plants when she was gone once? Gary turned to her, the hand that didn't hold the paper out in front of him. His face clearly visible in the hall light, the elderly lady quickly removed the lock and opened the door wider, though she stood warily inside her apartment, not venturing into the hall.

"What's wrong, Gary?"

"Th-th-th-the key! Do you still have a key to Kate's apartment?"

"Well, yes, yes I think I do. But why do you need it? What's going on? Are you two having an argument or something?" Mrs. D'Amato looked him up and down, much as his Mom had when she was deciding just how much trouble he'd really gotten into as a child.

"Look, I don't have time to explain. Kate's in trouble, and unless I can get in there to help her - look, please, Mrs. D'Amato, would you just give me the key?" His voice sharp, echoing down the empty hallway, he gestured over his shoulder with the paper towards Kate's apartment as he spoke. Gary advanced toward the elderly lady, hand out again, pleading. "You know me, you've seen me with Kate, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but she's in trouble right now and--"

"Is that son of a bitch Trevor in town?"

Startled, Gary stared at her for a moment then nodded. She hadn't waited for his answer. He followed her into her apartment, a reverse image of Kate's, overly decorated in soft, plush furniture and with knick knacks everywhere. Kate despised knick knacks. She hated dusting that much stuff. Mrs. D'Amato took a key from a hook on the wall next to her refrigerator.

Gary forced himself to take it gently, but once he had it he yelled back over his shoulder as he ran for Kate's door, "Stay in your apartment, and call the police for me, will ya?" Mrs. D'Amato's answer was lost on him in his hurry to get to Kate.

Swinging the door to Kate's apartment wide, he dropped the paper on the chair by the door. The first thing he noticed was the silence. Gary swallowed, scanning the room quickly. Two things registered simultaneously: Kate's bookbag, on the floor in front of him with books and papers from it sprawled out across the floor. And Kate's bedroom door - closed.

Gary knew the tableau that greeted him as he burst through the door would be seared in his memory forever. A struggling Kate lay sprawled on her back beneath Trevor on the bed. Her green silk shirt ripped off, she clawed uselessly at the one huge hand he pressed over her mouth, pinching her nose between one long finger and thumb. Trevor's other hand was groping beneath her skirt, pulled up almost to her hips, while his mouth roamed over the smooth roundness of her breasts above her brassiere. Fists clenched, Gary's sight narrowed to only the man - no, the animal - abusing the same soft flesh that Gary had caressed so tenderly since that first night he made love with Kate, that first night his touch had begun to heal the raw wounds Trevor had left in her heart and soul.

Gary's own tightly held rage erupted, and he leaped at Trevor, grabbing Trevor's hair with both hands and hauling him off Kate. His fist collided with Trevor's face before Trevor could get his bearings. Gary didn't give him a chance, grabbing him up from the floor and kneeing him in the gut before yanking him out into the living room away from Kate.

"Kate! Get out of here! Kate!!"

Gary caught one glimpse of her, curled over on her side on the bed gasping for breath, before Trevor lunged for him, tackling him down to the floor. He managed to dodge Trevor's fist as it slammed towards his face, taking a glancing blow on the cheek instead. Somehow he got his hands around Trevor's throat. The larger man clawing at Gary's fingers, they rolled over and crashed into the entertainment center. Compact disks and cassette tapes and books showered down around them as they struggled. Trevor's fist connected with Gary's side. He let go of Trevor's neck, instinctively curling around his vulnerable vital organs. Hardly even breathing hard, Trevor slugged him twice more in the kidneys, then reached for Gary's throat. Gary head-butted Trevor, and the other man rolled away, holding his broken nose. Staggering to his feet, Gary looked for Kate. Damn! Where was she? He was certain she hadn't gone past him out into the hall.

Trevor claimed his attention again with a slashing blow to Gary's head. The impact sent the smaller man staggering across the blue rug. Blood pouring from a gash above his eye, he landed half on the floor, half on the overstuffed couch. Trevor was on him as he tried to rise, landing several more body blows before grabbing the back of Gary's shirt. The material ripped loudly as Trevor pulled Gary up, swinging him around and slamming him head first into the wall under the bar.

Gary gasped as little lights suddenly pinwheeled around him, the world behind the lights alternating flashes of dark and light. Trevor hauled him up again and Gary's feet couldn't seem to find the floor. Steadying him upright for a moment, Trevor buried a fist in Gary's stomach. Gary doubled over, gasping for breath. The battle paused. Noises could be heard from the bedroom, the small clicks and rattles oddly loud in the stillness. Holding him up by his shirt and one arm, Trevor bent close to Gary's face, an unholy gleam in his eye.

"You mean to tell me you haven't figured it out yet?" His voice silky smooth, Trevor's fist contracted vise-like around Gary's arm. Gary clawed at the fist with his free hand. His fingernails found some purchase on the skin of Trevor's hand, but not enough. Trevor put his lips next to Gary's ear. "She _liked_ it, Hobson. It turned her on. Why do you think she stayed with me for four years?"

"You, you, you're a lying son of a bitch, Howard!" Gary stammered out, his vision now darkened by fury. He swung wildly at Trevor and missed. Trevor released his shirt, grabbing Gary's arm before he could connect again. His smile oozed out around them.

"I guess I'll just have to demonstrate for you, won't I? Show you what really turns our Kate on," he purred. Trevor dropped Gary's arm, and landed what would have been a solid blow to Gary's jaw. Gary recovered enough to jerk his head aside at the last minute. Still, the blow left his head spinning again, and he fell heavily to the floor as Trevor released his other arm.

Blinking frantically to clear his vision of blood and stars, Gary saw Trevor's foot pull back. He curled again protectively, managing to catch Trevor's foot as it connected with his ribs. Gary yanked with all his strength as Trevor fought for his balance. Somehow managing to fall forward instead of back, Kate's ex-husband landed directly on top of Gary.

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out. Gary and Trevor both jumped, then froze. Kate stood over them, a semi-automatic pistol aimed right at Trevor's head.

Gary stared at Kate in shock. Marred by the angry black prints of Trevor's fingers, her face was hardened in a grimace of cold fury. The green shirt down in pieces around her waist, more bruises could be seen darkening on her arms and chest.

"Get up!" she snarled. Trevor got gingerly to his feet and backed away, hands up. Gary pushed himself up on one elbow, wiping the blood away from his eye with one hand. His chest heaving, he kept a wary eye on both Kate and Trevor as she backed him across the room. Both men were very aware that while Kate herself was shaking, the gun was not.

"Kate..." Trevor pleaded, his eyes huge. Hand up, he licked his lips nervously.

"Just tell me why I shouldn't. Give me one good reason," she hissed. "Why shouldn't I? After all you've done to me, there isn't a jury in this state who would convict me." Her eyes electric with anger and her hair in disarray, Kate looked entirely capable of shooting the trembling man in front of her.

Gary swallowed, grimacing as he sat up, one hand grabbing at his ribs. Kate wouldn't shoot, would she? The article said...the paper! Where had the paper gone? Wiping the blood from the cut above his eye again, he watched Kate carefully for a second or two, before scanning the room for the paper. There! On the chair by the open door. Gary stood and staggered over to the paper. Kate was still speaking, though so low it was hard to hear her.

"...me I was stupid. That it was all my fault. Well, it's a bit different now, isn't it, Mr. Howard? Not quite as much fun to slap me around when I've got something to hit back with, is it? You know the hell you put me through?" Her voice rising, she shook the gun at him. Trevor flinched. Kate smiled thinly. "Yeah, I was stupid. Stupid to stay with you after the first time you hit me. But you know why I did, Trevor? I loved you. I loved the man I could see inside of you, and I thought maybe my love would be enough to help you be that man, forever. But it wasn't. Because you didn't love me in return. Trevor is all that's ever mattered to you. I _never_ did, and that's why you never changed."

Gary carefully shook out the paper, and looked for the article he'd seen on page ten. The article detailing the "love triangle shooting" in Kate's apartment that resulted in both his and Kate's deaths had disappeared, replaced by a story on publicly funded vouchers for private schools. Gary leaned one shoulder against the wall for a moment, heaving a deep sigh of relief.

Kate advanced toward Trevor again, and he took another step back. She smiled as he found himself against the wall in the dining room, with nowhere else to go. Her voice was soft now, almost conversational as she raised the gun a bit higher, and settled her aim. "I've found a better man than you'll ever be, and you're not gonna do anything to screw it up. You're not going to do *anything.* I'm not going to let you hurt me ever again, do you hear?"

Hands out, Trevor gulped loudly. His eyes were open so wide Gary could see the whites all the way around his pupils. He evidently couldn't think of anything to say in answer to Kate.

Kate didn't seem to care. She stopped a safe distance away from Trevor, holding her aim.

"You know what I want from you Trevor? I want an apology. Two apologies. One to me, and one to Gary." Kate's voice was soft, but the gun she held never wavered, never moved. Trevor hesitated, and she fired.

A little puff of dust came out of the wall about a foot from Trevor's head. He looked startled, then caught Gary's eyes.

"You gonna let her get away with this?" he blustered, searching for some of his old arrogance. But Gary's doubts about what Kate was doing had disappeared along with article. Besides, he knew her better than that. She was just trying to get back a little bit of the self-respect this man had taken from her. Wiping the blood from his face with the back of his hand again, Gary stood up straight. Outside, sirens wailed and brakes screeched. The rest of the cavalry had arrived.

"Get away with what? Looks to me like she's in complete control. If I were you, I'd do what she wants." Trevor stared at Gary in disbelief as he walked up to stand beside Kate. She didn't look at Gary as she adjusted her aim, lowering it about half way down to the floor from Trevor's head.

"Do I get an apology or not?" Her voice was a silken whisper wrapped around the iron hard demand.

Trevor gulped, and with one anxious look to verify the gun's aim, finally nodded.

"I'm sorry." He sounded like he was going to throw up. Gary took a deep breath and turned to Kate--

"Freeze! Everybody just hold it where you are!" Gary put his hands up as two police officers slowly advanced into the room, guns out. Crumb appeared behind them, turning around with his arms out to block Chuck and Marissa as they crowded through the door behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

_"Beloved, let your eyes half close and your heart beat _

_Over my heart, and your hair fall over my breast, _

_Drowning love's lonely hour in deep twilight of rest."_

\--- William Butler Yeats

 

Kate's bedroom door was closed again, had been since shortly after the second pair of officers had arrived, shortly after they had handcuffed Trevor and taken Kate's gun from her. She'd given it up willingly, leaning shakily against Gary. He quickly shrugged out of his shirt and put it around her, covering her with the material and his own embrace against the incredulous stares of both friends and strangers, unaware that the violence of his own encounter with Trevor could be tracked in the marks across his naked torso.

The police officers moved quickly to separate him from a now listless and subdued Kate, a grim-faced Crumb overriding Gary's protests with a hand on his arm and a gruff "They have to get statements, kid. Let them do their job." Gary stood silently, one hand still half reaching for Kate as they led her away. An officer mumbled on in the background about Trevor's rights, and Gary knew Crumb was only reason he wasn't being hauled out the door in cuffs with Trevor - Trevor who screamed and cursed and lunged at both Gary and Kate as he was led away, and, when Kate cringed away from Trevor's abusive tirade, it was Crumb's abrupt grip again that kept Gary from getting himself in trouble.

Two police detectives arrived, one going directly to the officer with Kate. After a couple of questions and a glance about him, he put a hand on her arm and pulled her towards the bedroom. Kate resisted then, looking around as if searching for someone. Gary told himself it was him as he stepped forward, but his officer was in front of him, pushing him back. He'd started to force his way past anyway when Crumb stopped him with a word. Chuck and Marissa were standing just inside the door, Chuck's arm around her protectively while he watched the goings on wide-eyed. Kate was still pulling back as the two policemen led her into the bedroom. Marissa stepped forward at Crumb's call; the on-duty detective reluctantly allowed her in the room before he closed the door.

Even in the midst of his own interview with the detective, the same man he'd dealt with when Hernandez had taken him and the DA hostage this last winter, Gary kept track of that door. It didn't open; no one went in or came out. Crumb finally halted today's interview with "His story ain't gonna change, Leon." The two men retired to the other side of the room to compare notes, and Gary was left alone to watch as two women entered the apartment. The one with the small black bag, petite with short black hair, was obviously a professional. The other lady was tall and rotund, dressed in a tight black knit top with a pair of khaki breeches. Both women zeroed in on him after a quick glance around the room, glaring at Gary coldly as they held a short conversation with his detective. They turned away then, heading across the living room to be admitted with a knock through the door into Kate's bedroom.

Gary kept his vigil as Chuck brought him a new dishrag to hold against the cut above his eye, one of Kate's good ones, Gary noticed blankly, before turning back to the closed door. Kate's apartment wasn't silent anymore; police officers discussed their lives, their kids' dates and their wives' cooking as they collected and catalogued the evidence. The flash on the police photographer's camera "poofed" each time he took a picture: Kate's book bag and books all over the floor, the imprint Gary's head left in the wall, even Gary himself, front and back. Radios squawked and hissed and the low murmur of voices rose and fell as bullets were dug out of the wall and the ceiling. Hunched on the couch, Gary rocked minutely back and forth, his eyes drawn again and again from the activity around him to the closed door on the other side of the room. It seemed unbelievable that late afternoon sunlight should be streaming through the windows, that it wasn't pitch black night outside. Gary shivered, chilled, then looked up into Chuck's unsmiling face as one of Kate's crocheted afghans dropped around his bare shoulders. Who had she said made these for her? Her grandmother?

Gary nodded once to Chuck, the concern in his friend's eyes vaguely registering, then turned back to his contemplation of the door. The police photographer, a tall, skinny man in wrinkled clothes with hair and scraggly beard reminiscent of Errol Flynn, was admitted to Kate's room next, and Gary strained to see past the figure that opened the door. He could make out nothing except Marissa sitting on the bed next to someone. The sounds in the living room flowed up and engulfed the noise of the bedroom door closing again. Gary sighed, his eyes shutting briefly before opening to find Chuck squatting in front of him, holding the paper out in one hand.

Gary shook his head, clutching at the afghan instead. Chuck, after glancing around warily, carefully stowed the paper in his own back pocket. He reached out hesitantly, laying one hand on Gary's knee.

"Hey, Gar. It's gonna be all right." Gary's gaze flicked briefly to his friend, and then back to the door. He knew Chuck didn't know what to do with him, didn't know how to handle this situation. Pollyanna and Jiminy Cricket were usually Marissa's roles. He knew Chuck was right, that things were going to be okay, but he wanted nothing more right now than to hold Kate - to take her home, away from here, away from what Trevor had almost done to her, almost done to them. If what he'd seen in the paper hadn't been prevented...

Gary shuddered now, eyes snapping shut reflexively as he saw the headline again, "Two dead in love triangle shooting." But it hadn't happened, he'd gotten here in time, and when Kate had finally gotten to her gun, it had been after he got here, not before, not when she was alone and Trevor was still able to overpower her, shooting her with the weapon she'd planned on using to avenge herself. Gary _had_ gotten here in time, not too late, and instead of finding Trevor standing over Kate's lifeless body, instead of being shot himself while he struggled with Trevor for the gun, he and Kate were both alive. Maybe not quite well, but they'd mend, and, if he could just get to Kate, he could hold her and the nightmares would go away and there'd still be a wedding in two weeks.

He didn't realize he'd whispered his thoughts aloud until he heard Chuck's sharp intake of breath. His friend's blue eyes were wide with horror when Gary looked at him.

"That's what you saw? That's what the paper said?" Even in his incredulity Chuck remembered to keep his voice down, remembered the ears they didn't want to hear them, Crumb conversing quietly with the detective - Rob, was it? - in the background, the police officers still gathering their data, their evidence. Gary nodded shortly, not wanting to dwell on the details, not wanting to think about what might have been. He just wanted that door to open and the police to come out, and Kate to be released, set free from this nightmare, excused from reliving it over and over again as they questioned her. Maybe if he said something to Crumb--

The door opened, the police photographer and the shorter of the two women who'd arrived earlier, the one with the black bag, exiting the bedroom. Heading straight for Gary, she pulled the coffee table up and sat her black bag on it. Chuck got to his feet with a flimsy excuse about getting Gary a drink of water or something and headed for somewhere else - somewhere beyond bruises and blood. Introducing herself as Doctor Wu, the woman reached first for the rag Gary had been holding absently to his head for the last twenty minutes.

Some of the dried blood came away as the doctor pulled the rag off, and she spent the next few minutes trying to stop it again, applying several butterfly bandages after finally stanching the flow. Gary shivered as she pulled the afghan aside to poke and prod his bruises, wincing as she probed some of the sorer spots. Relieved when she declared no bones broken or even cracked, he willingly accepted the acetaminophen the doctor handed him. Swallowing the pills without water, he looked up to find the doctor studying him carefully. Apparently satisfied with what she saw, she rummaged in her bag again, pulling out a prescription pad and scribbling on it before ripping off the top copy and handing it to him. When he took that copy, she quickly flipped the yellow copy over, and scribbled another prescription, ripping this one off, but not handing it to him. She pointed at the first paper he held.

"That's for a stronger version of ibuprofen than you can get over the counter. You both will probably need that today and tomorrow. Don't be a macho man and not take it. It'll help those bruises heal as well as make you feel better. I gave Kate the same prescription." Gary nodded, then looked questioningly at the other slip of paper the doctor held. She followed his gaze.

"This is for Xanax. For panic attacks. Kate wouldn't take it, but I'm giving it to you, for her. It's not uncommon for someone who's been through what she's been through today and in the past, to have trouble with panic attacks for a few days afterward. Try to convince her to at least take one for the next couple of nights. If nothing else, it will help her sleep." Gary accepted the second piece of paper, gazing at it for a second. Kate might not be the only one who needed these. Looking up, he found the doctor staring at him, her face hard. "I assume from what she said that she'll be going home with you?"

Gary nodded, not sure why the sudden change in attitude.

"Just be aware that your girlfriend is going to be a bit... fragile for the next few days. She'll need a lot of understanding and a listening ear and a lot of positive touch with a minimum of sexual involvement."

His face burning, Gary stared slack-jawed at the woman. What did she think he was, anyway? Gary fought the sudden lump in his throat, forcing the words out.

"She's, she's, she's not my girlfriend, we're getting married - in 10 days." Barely above a whisper, his voice sounded strange, almost hollow, in his own ears.

Doctor Wu harumphed as she closed her bag.

"Just don't forget that prescription, okay?" Looking up, she caught his gaze again, and something of his heartbreak for what Kate had endured must have shown in his eyes. Her own gaze softened somewhat. "Look, believe it or not, you both got off easy. And, from what I can tell, your gir- fiancé," she amended, "is a strong woman, inside and out. Physically she'll be fine in a few days, and if you take good care of her, she'll be fine inside as well."

The door to the bedroom opened then, and the two police men came out, followed by the doctor's companion who, catching Gary's eyes on her, pulled the door abruptly shut behind her. Sentry like, she stood by the door, glaring at Gary. The detective ignored everyone else in the room, heading over to confer with Leon and Crumb by the door. Gary stood, the afghan sliding from his shoulders, watching the conversation. The doctor packed up her bag, and, with a brief nod toward Gary, joined them. She shook her head at the cop's question, stating loudly there was no need for further medical attention.

"Here, give me those."

Gary looked blankly at Chuck, then at the two white slips of paper clutched in his hand. He handed them over mechanically, barely noticing Chuck carefully filing them away in his wallet. One last exchange between the four by the door, and the doctor gestured to her companion. They left, followed by the only two police officers remaining. The two detectives and Crumb approached Gary, the elder one speaking first as Crumb came over to stand beside him.

"We're going to need you to come down to the station to go over and sign your statements, both of you."

Gary frowned.

"Now?"

The younger detective opened his mouth, but Crumb spoke first.

"It's okay, Hobson, it won't take long." He looked at Gary for a minute, then turned to his friend. "Why don't youse guys run along. I'll bring these two down in a bit. You gotta get those statements typed up anyway."

The detective gave Gary a long look, then glanced at Crumb and nodded.

"Okay."

Gary didn't wait, didn't say goodbye, just headed immediately for that door. It opened before he got there, Marissa stepping out first, a small canvas bag in one hand. Kate stood right behind her, clad now in a long-sleeved purple tunic and a pair of jeans. Her hair loose about her shoulders, her eyes were swollen above the fat sausage-like bruises on her face. She held another of his shirts in her hand, offering it to him as he approached, but Gary ignored it, gathering her instead in his arms, carefully, gently, aware of both their bruises. Her head resting on his bare shoulder, he held her close and stroked her hair, the room around them fading away until he was aware of nothing but the beat of her heart against his, the warmth of her in his embrace and against his body.

Marissa's quiet "Is he okay?" fell loudly into the silence, followed by Chuck's uncertain "I think so." Someone cleared his throat at that, and then Crumb's voice said, "We'll be outside when you need us, kid." Gary nodded to let them know he heard, but nothing mattered right now, nothing but the woman in his arms.

It was several minutes later when he released her enough to look in her eyes. Kate brushed her hand softly across the bruise on his cheek. Her eyes dark with sorrow, she took a breath. Gary shook his head.

"No." He pulled her to him again, ignoring the protest of his stiffening muscles. Kate leaned against him for a minute, before stepping back and offering him the shirt once more. Gary shrugged into it this time, then reached for her hand.

"Let's go."

Kate nodded mutely, and they turned and walked out of the apartment without looking back.


	12. Epilogue

_"How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face..."_

\---William Butler Yeats

 

The stairs to the loft were the last obstacle in the hectic day. His watch had said 11:18 as he arrived at Cabrini Green; Gary was sure it must be midnight by now. At least he'd been able to wake the parents in time. The father had stared at him suspiciously, but the mother had taken no chances. She backed away and then ran for the child sleeping soundly in the front bedroom just as the blue Lexus came screeching around the corner. Gary tackled the husband as the first random shots rang out; both men tumbling down into the bushes beside the door. Surprisingly enough, no one was hurt. Well, not seriously hurt.

Rubbing the back of his neck as he slowly ascended the stairs, Gary thought longingly of the Jacuzzi in the Honeymoon cottage at Sand Lake Country Inn. Kate's parents had presented them with a week at the Bed and Breakfast as a wedding gift. Gary was determined he and Kate would return to the little inn on the Oregon coast - soon and often. But in the meantime it was as if the paper had decided he'd had too much of a break, and was trying to get revenge with a heavy slate of daily rescues. They'd only been back a week and a half, and Gary was about ready to trash the darn thing. He kept dropping hints to the cat about how nice the pound was this time of year.

The heavy curtains Kate had hung on the inside of the door couldn't block all the light streaming from the loft. Gary shook his head. He'd told Kate the last time he'd spoken with her not to wait up for him; she had a department meeting early in the morning at the university. The ring on his left hand caught the light as he reached for the doorknob, unable to stop the smile that broke across his face at the thought that his _wife_ had waited up for him. Just as he turned the knob, he stopped short, staring at the stool beside the door.

It was Kate's piano stool, the one she kept in her bookroom at the other apartment. Hand on the doorknob, his gaze traveled up from there to find Kate's three large oak bookshelves lined along the wall. He stepped back for a moment, quietly taking in the neat rows of books - mostly Kate's, he noticed. Well, he'd have to move some of his out here and make room for some of hers inside. Where to put her books had been one of the most pressing problems about moving Kate into the loft. He'd been in her apartment a dozen times before he realized that the extra door in the living room led not to a closet, but another bedroom - a bedroom with no room for a bed because of the stacks and stacks of books that filled it.

Well, hey, this worked. Once they got the outside entrance put in, and eliminated the access to the loft from the kitchen, this would be almost like another room out here in the hall. The shelves had been languishing in McGinty's basement since the two families had packed up all her stuff the week before the wedding. Gary wasn't sure he liked the idea of Kate moving those heavy bookshelves without help - surely she'd gotten someone to do it for her? He shrugged. Kate would do what Kate would do; he'd learned that by now. Come to think of it...he looked the other direction and there by the window at the top of the landing stood several of Kate's larger plants and a big cane chair. They looked like they belonged, Gary decided. Better than the forest the loft had become while the two of them tried to sort out what stayed and what went.

The knob turned silently. Stepping into the loft, Gary's greeting died on his lips and he grinned instead. Book open flat across her chest, Kate was stretched out on the couch, one arm over her eyes and the other draped down onto the floor. Her long legs crossed at the ankle, she wore one of Gary's baseball jerseys and not much else. The cat was curled up in her lap, purring. Music played softly in the background; Gary quickly identified it as the Scott Joplin cd she'd bought in Portland on their honeymoon.

His keys dropped quietly on the table beside the door, along with the cell phone his mother had handed him just before she and his dad left. They'd stayed while Gary and Kate were gone, taking care of the paper and keeping an eye on the remodelers putting a real kitchen in the loft. Gary made Kate promise never to give Chuck the number, but he had to admit the cell phone had been a good idea. But then his mom would say that's what mothers were for.

Something wasn't quite right as he looked around the loft, and he paused for a moment, trying to put his finger on it. Barring the corner where the pinball machine had been, it looked much as it had before Kate moved in. The kitchen was the biggest change, and Kate's desk and computer now filling the corner opposite. Chuck had been more than happy to "store" the pinball machine. Gary figured he'd just tell Chuck it was an early Christmas present or something. Even if he and Kate did get moved out into a bigger house someday, he doubted Chuck would want to give it up.

The boxes! The boxes he and Kate had been wading through for the last two weeks were entirely gone, and the apartment was spotless. Wow, Kate had _really_ been busy today. Gary took a minute to survey the large room. They'd kept his furniture mostly, since it was generally newer than hers. But Kate's table and chairs had replaced his. The flowers he'd brought last night stood in the middle of the table in a Mason jar. The kitchen bar was clear; behind it he could see the floor to ceiling wooden cabinets Kate had picked out shining dimly in the light from the lamp. The brass teapot gleamed from the stove. Most of Kate's fine art prints leaned against the wall next to the door. Those they'd agreed to sort through together. Though if they were going to put books and stuff out in the hall, there was no reason a couple of those couldn't go outside. Kate's taste leaned towards modern art, but Gary wasn't sure he wanted a Salvador Dali print staring at him every morning when he woke up.

The cat raised its head, blinking sleepily as Gary knelt beside Kate. He shot it a hostile look as he gently lifted the book, looking around for a minute before finding her bookmark on the floor by an empty tea cup. Placing the thin paper in the book and closing it on the table, he put one arm on the floor and one arm against the back of the couch as he leaned over and kissed the tip of Kate's nose.

She sighed and stretched a bit before moving her arm away from her eyes. Gary kissed her cheek as Kate shifted, blinking sleepily at him once or twice before his lips found hers and he gathered her up in his arms. Her arms came around him and for the next few minutes there was no sound in the apartment but the lilting Ragtime music - and the disgusted thump of the cat's feet hitting the floor as Kate moved over to make room on the couch for Gary.

Stretching out on the couch with his arms around her, one of Kate's legs draped over him and her head resting on his shoulder, Gary closed his eyes and sighed. This was one of the things he had missed most about being married: simple togetherness, the not-being-alone-ness.

"You got to the family in time?" Kate's query was soft; he knew she knew the answer already.

He tightened his arms around her for a moment and kissed her before answering.

"Yeah. They didn't want to listen to a white guy, at least the dad didn't, but the mother, well, she didn't care what I was. She headed for the kid right after the dad tried to tell her to go call the cops on me. Between her and me, father and son are fine." Gary laid his cheek against her hair. "Funny thing was, after everything calmed down she said she recognized me. Last spring I caught a toddler that fell out of a window there. She remembered me from that."

Kate smiled.

"It's that apple-pie face of yours. Once someone gets a good look at it, they don't forget it."

Gary shook his head.

"You've been talking to Marissa, haven't you? What's she told you?"

Kate shrugged, her fingers toying with the buttons on his shirt.

"Oh, lots of things." She chuckled. "Things I promised not to tell you. She has to have something to hold over you - just in case."

"Wha- just in case what?"

Gary shifted, trying to see Kate's face. The laughter in her blue eyes was a welcome change from the haunted expression they'd had all too often in the last two days, ever since a grim-faced Crumb informed them that Trevor had been extradited back to Minnesota. There he faced assault and battery charges, filed several times over by his second wife. Crumb had apologized to Kate, but couldn't change the fact that the city of Chicago had seen no need to waste their taxpayers' dollars on a trial, not when another jurisdiction was slobbering over trying the lout. Kate hadn't said much, hadn't said anything at all, really, and Gary had been more than a little worried about her.

Trevor's second _ex-_wife, Gary amended silently. He was sure Trevor's recent divorce was the reason the man had come to see Kate instead of just mailing the paperwork to begin with. That and the fact that Marcia had seen right through his little ploy. Any good lawyer would have. Kate's signature on his paperwork would have forced her to leave her share of the money from the sale of the property in Trevor's hands - for "reinvestment."

Tonight Kate tapped his chest with one finger and smiled enigmatically.

"Well, if I was you, I'd be more worried about what Chuck told me."

Gary did a double take.

"Chu- Chuck? Wha-wha-what'd he say? What'd he tell you?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." With that ultimatum, Kate sat up, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. She smiled again at Gary's consternation. "Are you hungry?"

Mind racing with possibilities of what his best friend might have said that could incriminate him, Gary nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, I am."

Kate climbed over him, and then he sat up. Mouth open, pointing at her as he thought about what Chuck could have said, Gary suddenly realized he might not want to know. Closing his mouth, he shook his head and grinned, then followed his wife to the kitchen. She had pulled a plate out of the refrigerator and was watching it go around in the microwave when he came up and leaned back against the counter beside her, arms crossed over his chest and one foot crossed over the other.

"You worked hard today."

Kate nodded absently, fingering the hot pad she held, her eyes on the rotating plate of spaghetti.

"Chuck and Marissa helped me. It took most of the day, and Chuck got a couple of the guys from the bar to help with the bookshelves, or we'd never have gotten them in place."

"They were here all day?"

Kate smiled when she looked up, affirming the hope in his voice.

"Yeah. I'd never have finished it if it wasn't for them. Probably would have just called Good Will to come take everything and started over. Marissa is amazing. I have to remind myself she's blind sometimes."

Gary looked out over the apartment. He could almost see the three of them here working together: Chuck wisecracking and complaining, Marissa twitting him about stuff, deflating his ideas and quips as fast as he could sling them. Kate's gentle laughter and dry sense of humor would fit right in, he knew. Shaking the vision away, something inside his heart settled into place. Despite the new beginning after Trevor's attack, Kate and Chuck and Marissa were still very much strangers, united mostly by the paper and their various relationships with him. He'd been hoping they would be able to establish a friendship of their own, outside of him. From the sounds of what went on today, that was beginning to happen.

The microwave dinged, and Kate took the plate out. Gary followed her, pausing to grab some silverware out of the drawer before joining her at the table. His stomach growled suddenly, and he sniffed deeply of the steam rising from the plate. He really was hungry. Kate went back to the fridge, and came back with two glasses and a pitcher of tea.

"It's decaf," she answered his unspoken question, smiling as she did so.

The loft was silent again as he ate, except for the new cd playing in the background. It took Gary a minute to place this one: Rent. Kate was passionately fond of musicals, and he supposed he'd be learning most of them now that she had unpacked her cd collection. Glancing over at her, he paused, then laid his fork down to reach for her hand.

"Kate?"

She looked up from her perusal of the glass of amber tea. Their pupils wide in the dim light, her eyes looked almost black, serious and somber as the unsmiling expression on her face. Gary frowned, and opened his mouth, but Kate shook her head. He closed it as she looked away, back at the glass on the table for a minute, then around the loft before turning back to him. The cat appeared, purring at their feet. It wound around Kate's ankles before settling down next to her chair. Kate took a deep breath.

"I never told you what happened in the apartment... with Trevor." She shivered, and Gary pushed his empty plate aside, reaching for her other hand.

"You don't have to. I read the reports."

Crumb had brought them to him, though he'd done his best to dissuade Gary from reading Kate's. Gary had insisted, though. It was probably a good thing Trevor was behind bars already, or Gary would have joined him there shortly. He fought the rising tide of anger as he remembered the words on the paper, words his wife had said, words that described Trevor's attack, the near rape she had suffered at Trevor's hands.

Kate squeezed his hand, and Gary was drawn back to the present.

"No, this is something I didn't put in the reports, something I didn't tell anyone. I couldn't, I didn't realize it all myself, until today. Until tonight, when I was here alone, thinking about Trevor. I found myself panicking, wanting to lock all the doors and hide because he might come back." She chewed on her lower lip and looked away for a moment, then caught Gary's eyes briefly before looking down at their clasped hands.

"When Trevor came up behind me, when he grabbed me and pushed me into the elevator, I was so scared." She laughed once, mirthlessly. "I was terrified. I knew what he had on his mind, knew what he was going to do. Even if I hadn't known, he was telling me all his plans. Then he started talking about you, started telling me that you didn't really love me, that you were only interested in getting me into bed, and that once he was done with me, you wouldn't want me anymore, wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. Between what he was saying, the pain in my arm where he was squeezing it, and the realization that I had another hour before you were supposed to come pick me up, I was getting more scared by the minute. I didn't even try to stop him when he took my keys."

Gary nodded, frowning a little. That had all been in her report; the verbal threats, the things that bastard had said to her had been part of what had sent him into a rage when he read it. Crumb had insisted on taking Gary out to the park for a long walk afterward, long enough and far enough away for Gary to blow off his steam and make it home without a side trip to the jail. Crumb's words still rang in Gary's ears.

"Youse gonna let that guy turn you into what he is? 'Cause that ain't what Kate needs, another guy who can't control his temper, can't keep himself from blowing up when he gets mad."

Mouth open, Gary had stared at the retired detective in shock. Crumb shook his head at Gary's unspoken protest.

"I know you're mad, and I know you have every right to be. But you gotta get over this, gotta put it behind you. 'Cause Kate needs you to. She needs you to be able to go on with your life, if youse expect her to be able to go on with hers." Crumb's gruff face had softened. "Look, the creep's in jail, gonna be for a long time. I got enough contacts, we'll know if and when he ever gets out." One gnarled finger pointed at Gary's chest. "_You _gotta put him and what he did to Kate behind you. 'Cause if you can't, you'll wind up just like him. Trust me on this, I seen it before."

Forced to acknowledge the truth in the older man's words, Gary hadn't known what to say in response to them.

Kate's grip on his hand tightened, the echo of Crumb's words fading before her soft voice tonight. It took a minute for what she said to register.

"What I didn't tell anyone was that when we got into the apartment, Cat was there."

Gary stared at her, then at the purring feline at her feet.

"Cat?"

Kate nodded, her gaze following his down to the animal. Cat stood and pawed at her leg. Pulling her hands free from Gary's, Kate picked it up and settled it in her lap, stroking the ginger fur as the cat purred contentedly.

"He was sitting on the back of the couch. I didn't see him at first, I was so freaked out about Trevor. But then Trevor let go of me to shut the door, and Cat sat up and jumped in my arms. That's when I dropped my bookbag, when I was trying to catch him." She shifted uneasily in her chair, glancing up at Gary. Arms on the table, he leaned forward, waiting quietly for her to continue. She looked back at the cat for a moment, considering. She swallowed, and this time her glance was apologetic.

"I always used to just sort of shut down inside when Trevor got violent. He liked it better when I struggled, when I fought him, so if I let him have his way, he'd be done quicker, leave me alone sooner. It didn't hurt as much then, if you didn't think, if you didn't let yourself care it was happening to you." She hesitated, rubbing the cat, unable to meet Gary's eyes. "That's what I was doing that afternoon, shutting down, running away inside myself. I would have...I would have just let him..."

Her voice a mere whisper, she stared blankly at the wall across from them, her hands faltering then ceasing their motion. The cat meowed quietly in protest. Kate shook her head, as if waking from a trance. She began to rub the cat's jaw again, and its delighted purr filled the small silence before she spoke again.

"If, if it hadn't been for Cat, I, I wouldn't have tried to stop him. I honestly didn't think I could survive being with him again, not after being with you, not after we..." She gulped and stopped, staring down at the cat. Gary reached for her shoulder, and she blinked away tears as she met his gaze.

"It's all right. I understand, and I would have understood." His voice was soft, and Kate looked away before looking back at him, her eyes shining. She nodded, and Gary caressed her cheek before claiming one of her hands in his as he waited for her to continue. She swallowed her sobs, and went on, her voice stronger, more confident.

"But when I saw the cat, all of a sudden I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't surrender to Trevor what you and I had shared." Still petting the cat, Kate shook her head, then looked directly at him. "I couldn't let him do that to me - to us. Even if he killed me, I couldn't let him destroy what you had given me. I had too much self respect, too much hope now, to just give up like that. Then the cat looked at me, and I realized that if what Trevor had in mind made the paper, there was a good chance you would see it, and you would get there before--" she swallowed hard, and Gary's hand tightened on hers. "You might even be on your way, and if I fought him, if I didn't just give in, then the chances were even better that nothing serious would happen, that I'd be okay, and you'd be there in time and..." Her voice trailed off, and her eyes pleaded with Gary to understand.

Gary stared back at her for a minute. He'd felt guilty about the fact they hadn't waited to sleep together until they were married, had known that Kate felt guilty about it too. But they had both been so lonely, it was like trying to stop the stampede when a thirsty herd finally scented water. He'd given in, and so had Kate. They'd shouldered the guilt, and Gary'd tried hard to ignore the look in his mother's eyes when she realized that Kate was already moved in to the loft _before_ the wedding. Yet...

If what Kate was saying was true, if they hadn't made love, if they hadn't been together before Trevor came, she very probably would have surrendered to him, would have let him abuse her, again. She wouldn't have known how different things could be, that what she had experienced at Trevor's hands was _never_ love. And then she would have tried to shoot Trevor after he was finished with her and he would have taken the gun from her and...

"Cosmic whiplash," Chuck had called it.

The chair squeaked across the hardwood as he pushed it back and the cat thumped on the floor again as Kate came to him, curling up in his lap. He held her close, felt her heart beating next to his, felt her shaking, felt her joy when she finally looked in his eyes.

"I won, Gary. *We* won even before I pulled the gun on him."

It wasn't until the next morning that Gary noticed the long slender box in the bathroom wastebasket. Jaw dropping, he pulled it out to be sure.

*e p t - fast, accurate home pregnancy test*

Shaving cream still slathered over most of his face, razor in hand and towel wrapped securely around his waist, Gary stood in the bathroom door, holding the box by its lid between his thumb and one finger. Kate hummed softly to herself as she sat on the bed brushing her long dark honey-coloured hair.

"Kate? Hon? I-i-i-is, is there, is there something--is there something you haven't told me?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_"O hiding hair and dewy eyes, I am no more with life and death, My heart upon his warm heart lies, My breath is mixed into his breath."_

\---William Butler Yeats


End file.
